


The Lines Between Brotherhood and Blood

by jasmineisland



Category: Supernatural
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-06-21
Updated: 2013-06-21
Packaged: 2017-12-15 16:49:23
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 35,858
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/851792
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jasmineisland/pseuds/jasmineisland
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Takes place after Southern Comfort, S8. The Vengeance Specter laid open wounds between the Winchester Brothers. A hunt goes wrong, which only deepens the divide. Just when Dean begins to feel like moving on and splitting up might be the best answer, a Pagan God drags Sam into a mission of absolution that he won't refuse. Dean discovers that his brother has been hanging on by a thread, and the year he was in Purgatory was much worse on Sam than he ever suspected. Cas, Benny, and, worst of all, Crowley see what he has somehow missed -- just how fragile Sam is. With a little help, Dean learns what Sam had been unable to share -- just how far he was willing to go do and what he is still going through, proving to Dean that he is still Sam’s stone number one.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Fic title: The Lines Between Brotherhood and Blood  
Author name: jasmineisland  
Artist name: gryphon2k  
Genre: wincest  
Pairing: Dean/Benny Sam/Dean  
Rating: NC-17  
Word count: 35,000  
Warnings: blood drinking graphic m/m sex

Link to art: http://gryphon2k.livejournal.com/259759.html

First, my artist. AMAZING. That is the only word I can use for the beautiful artwork she made for the story. Make sure you drop her some praise for how gorgeous it is.

 

Now I want to thank spnlvr76 and janicec678 for their endless patience with my brainstorming and bad typing. I wasn’t even done with this one and I was already bombarding them both with my next story. They are truly gluttons for punishment when it comes to my writing and writers’ block.

**PART 1**

The door opened and Dean entered the hotel room with two cups of coffee. “Anything?”  
“Barrunjor.” Accepting the coffee, Sam noticed that it was regular, and black. It was petty and childish, but he felt a pang of hurt at the fact that he apparently no longer rated even a decent cup of coffee from his brother.  
“A barrunjor. Of course. Should’a known. Of course, I’d have to know what the fuck a barrunjor is in the first place.”  
Not even bothering to roll his eyes, Sam tilted the screen so Dean could have a look. “MO fits. Usually only found in Africa, so I’m thinking it might not be the exact same thing, but from what I can find some kind of descendant of the T-Rex-“  
“T-Rex? As in Tyrannasaurus Rex?”  
“Same.”  
Grinning, Dean slapped Sam on the shoulder. “We’re hunting a fucking dinosaur?”  
“I said descendant, Dean. This thing is supposed to be cold blooded, and smaller, only maybe 9 to 12 feet, but shaped similar, except for the longer arms. This thing has a reach of about 15 feet. Oh,” Sam turned to him. “Here’s the kicker. Thermal vision.”  
“Thermal? Heat?”  
“Yep. Like it will spot us about 10 miles away in this weather. 60 degrees is the high forecast.”  
“Great. Sounds like fun.”  
“Unless we can find a way to lower our body temperature, we’ll never take it by surprise. “  
“How close do we have to get?”  
Sighing, Sam pushed his hair back off his face. “Bullets will piss it off. We have to cut its heart out with silver. Decapitation will slow it down a little.” He smiled.  
“Can’t just shoot the heart?”  
“Nope. Has to be cut out.” Sam turned his head away from the fact that he didn’t even get a smirk out of his brother.  
“And it will see us coming.” At Sam’s affirmative nod, Dean sighed. “Fan-fucking-tastic.”  
“We’re going to have to hike about 3 to 5 miles into the woods, so even if we find a way to get our body temperatures down, they won’t stay there.”  
“Got an idea.” Without another word, Dean left the room.  
“Sharing with the class would be nice.” Muttering to himself, Sam closed the laptop and stretched. A hot shower sounded great. Maybe by then Dean would be willing to let Sam in on his idea. As he reached into his duffle for clothes, he thought about how things were between him and his brother. The words strained, and not great came to mind. Ever since the vengeance specter had pretty much thrown Dean’s feelings out, there had been a huge elephant in the room. In a burst of guilt, anger, and hurt Sam had threatened to leave before he could get himself under control again. Even though he regretted threatening his brother like that, he couldn’t find a way to try to apologize. Dean had made it clear with every word and action that he was a long way from forgiving Sam for what he perceived as Sam abandoning him in Purgatory.  
After about 20 minutes, the water started to run cold, and Sam forced himself to get out. Dean still hadn’t returned to the room. Forcing himself to not call his brother, Sam hoped that Dean wasn’t planning on leaving him out of the hunt completely and possibly going out there on his own just to spite him. He was angry, not stupid.  
With nothing to do but stare at the TV until Dean decided to return, Sam decided to go grab some breakfast. When he reached for his phone, he realized there was a text message from his missing brother.  
I’ll be back before sundown.  
Great. Guess he needed to grab something to eat and blow off some steam. “Don’t even rate a fucking donut with him, either, I guess.” Anger began to rush through him, but he clamped down on it. There was enough anger between them right now, and if he said or did something already today that pissed Dean off, they were better apart. He just wished he knew what it was. Before the hurt could fully replace the anger, Sam took a few deep breaths. No matter what, he couldn’t lose control. All he really wanted was to work things out with his brother. Once they were back on the road again, he hoped, at some point, Dean would let him get close again. Part of him longed for the intimate connection they’d shared before. Another part of him was terrified if he was actually allowed to have his brother again, physically, it would be the end of both of them. The urge to throw his fist into something almost caught him off guard, but he stopped himself. Time to get some food, concentrate on something else, and force himself to move through the day.

Dean knew the shit was going to hit the fan as soon as he opened the hotel room door. But he knew this was the best way to finish the hunt. He and Sam couldn’t just walk into the woods and hope they weren’t seen. They needed someone who wouldn’t be seen. Cas wasn’t an option, having not answered the phone. And he had to be honest with himself, he actually felt more comfortable with Benny by his side then Sam at the moment. All Sam could think about was the girl - he forced himself to think her name - Amelia. Apparently she meant everything to his brother. From the moment he’d first seen Sam in the cabin, he’d felt like his kid brother was only about half there. So what if the kid’s foot was halfway out the door back to Kermit? He’d survived him leaving before. He’d always been an ungrateful son of a bitch. Dean knew in the back of his mind that he was keeping Sam at arm’s length to keep his brother from letting him down again, but this time he was actually going to have to almost antagonize the kid to get the job done. Bringing Benny on the hunt was going to piss Sam off royally. And poking someone with Sam’s temper with a stick probably wasn’t the smartest thing Dean had done lately. But fuck him. Who did Sam think Dean was going to hunt with when he was back in bed with Amelia?  
And maybe, just maybe, that was the real issue. Okay, so Sam hadn’t been celibate while he was gone. He hadn’t been, either. But while he was perfectly happy to let what happened between himself and Benny stay in Purgatory, Sam was actually pining for the chance to return to the girl. Should have known from the start that was where he wanted to end up.  
“You okay?” Benny stared at him.  
Realizing he’d spoken aloud, Dean shrugged. “Just thinking about how pissed off Sam’s going to be.”  
“Having second thoughts?”  
“Nah. He’ll deal. Or he won’t and he’ll take off.”  
Before Benny could say another word, Dean was out of the car and moving towards the door. Pushing it open, his body tensed, preparing for the fight.  
He’d obviously startled Sam, and for a split second, he was staring at the barrel of his brother’s gun. “Nice greeting.”  
“Sorry. I was reading, didn’t hear the key.”  
“In that case, you’re lucky it was me.”  
Sam shrugged, but the sight of Benny behind his brother stopped any reply he was about to make.  
“Sam.” Benny nodded a greeting to him.  
“This was your plan?”  
“Don’t. Don’t even fucking start. We need someone who won’t be spotted by this Bojour.”  
“Barrunjor.” Sam honestly didn’t mean it in a condescending way, but obviously Dean took it that way.  
“Fuck you, too.”  
Biting his lip. Sam concentrated on staying as calm as possible. “Fine. We’ll leave in a few.” A slight tremor to his hands was the only allowance he’d give himself as he pushed past both men and out the door.  
Turning to Benny, Dean shrugged. “That wasn’t as bad as I thought it was going to be.” It really wasn’t. He had expected much more fight on the issue.  
“Let’s just get this over with.” Benny wasn’t looking forward to the night in the woods with the quarreling brothers.

 


	2. The Lines Between Brotherhood and Blood

The car ride was quiet, other than the formation of a plan. Benny was to take point, since he would be invisible to the barrunjor, with Sam and Dean following a short distance behind, ready to assist if Benny missed the heart. For almost three hours, nothing caught any of their attention, but once it did, all hell broke loose.

It came charging out from behind trees, not slowing down as it moved towards them. As expected, once it saw the Winchesters, it was focused on them. As it went past Benny, he reached out and stuck the knife in its chest. The barrunjor howled in a tone that was almost more of a hiss before it turned on the vampire and tried to find the source of the attack. Moving quickly, the hunters advanced on the fight, coming at it from both sides. Still not quite in sync with each other, Dean got to it first and tried to shove his own knife into the chest of the beast. Enraged, the barrunjor turned and went on the attack. When the body turned, Dean was thrown into a tree several feet away and was stunned. Benny and Sam moved towards it, but Sam knew they weren’t going to get to it fast enough. The thought of watching Dean die in front of him – again – made something inside Sam snap. In a split second decision, Sam pushed Benny in front of Dean. Whatever the barrunjor did to the vampire, it wouldn’t kill him, and injuring the vampire was preferable to Dean being killed in front of him. When the claws reached Benny’s midsection, the vampire screamed. But it bought the few seconds Sam needed. With a loud yell, Sam stepped up and swung the machete he’d had strapped to his leg. Instantly, the head of the barrunjor was separated from the rest of its body and it fell. Without turning to the vampire or his brother, Sam went on the attack against the twitching body. Slicing a struggling arm off close to the body, Sam kicked it over and stuck his dagger in deep. When it didn’t stop moving, the hunter stepped on it and sliced it from bottom to top up the center. His brain moving too fast to keep up, Sam began to completely eviscerate the monster to find the heart. The sight of the inside of the barrunjor mixing with the memories of the sight of his own internal organs being ripped from his body in the cage confused him, but he didn’t stop. Even after the creature stopped moving, Sam continued to remove everything and throw it to the side. When there was nothing left to remove, Sam stood and moved towards his brother.

Dean was kneeling next to Benny, holding the vampire’s stomach and telling him to relax. Benny was wincing, but his eyes caught sight of Sam behind the older Winchester. For a moment, Benny knew that Sam wasn’t sure where he was. His chest was heaving, and he was staring at the blood that literally caked his body.

“Dean.” Benny’s voice was quiet.

“You’re going to be fine.”

“Dean.”

The soft voice finally caught his attention and Dean looked up at Benny. With a nod, Benny gestured to the taller man behind him, but by the time Dean turned, Sam’s eyes were clear and he was staring at his brother.

“You okay?”

“Am I okay? Did I imagine you actually throwing someone in front of me?”

“I wasn’t going to watch you -“ Sam couldn’t finish the sentence, but Dean wasn’t interested anyway.

“What the fuck is wrong with you? We don’t sacrifice people, Sam. We sure as hell don’t sacrifice other people for each other!”

“Dean, I just….. I knew…….” Sam shook with the effort it took him to maintain control. But it didn’t matter.

“You just knew what? That it was okay to kill a guy that’s been there for me more in the last year then you’ve ever been?”

Sam’s breathing sped up, and he clenched his fists trying to stop the flood of emotion. Before he could process his thoughts enough to slow them down, Dean’s fist crossed his face.

Shaking his hand, Dean stepped back. He was afraid he’d seriously hurt Sam if he didn’t move away. He realized Benny was calling his name softly. He dropped to his knees beside the vampire. “You’re gonna be okay.”

“You’re right. I am. But Sam knew that, didn’t you?”

The only reply he got from the hunter was a tight nod. He turned back to Dean. “You told me the kid was smart. Scary smart?”

“Yeah.”

“Well, he knew that I’d live. Be honest, brother, if you’d taken this -“ He gestured to the deep gash that ran across his stomach. “- you’d be dead right now. He made a tactical decision and it was right.” Hissing a bit in pain, he tried to smile. “So the kid proves you right and you punch him.”

“We gotta get you out of here.” Dean was not going to discuss Sam at that moment.

“I’m gonna live, but that doesn’t mean I’m doing so hot.” His eyes met Dean’s evenly.

“You need blood.”

“Maybe you two can hike out of here and bring some back.”

“I’m not leaving you.”

The promise and determination in that one statement pulled Sam’s breath out of his lungs. He longed for a time Dean felt that way about him. For one brief moment Sam almost wished he’d thrown himself in front of Dean instead of Benny. Dean removing his jacket pulled his attention back to the present.

“Take mine.”

“Dean,” Benny started to object, but Dean wasn’t hearing it.

“Benny, I’m not leaving you here, so there isn’t a choice.”

“Yeah, there is.” Sam approached them, dropping his own jacket and using his overshirt to wipe down his hands and arms. “Mine.”

“Not happening, Sam.” Standing, Dean glared at his brother.

“You’re right, okay? I threw Benny in front of you. Least I can do is help heal him.”

“He’s not drinking from you.”

Dean’s tone told Sam that he believed the argument to be over.

“Come on, Dean. My blood is like B12 crack to a vampire. I can heal him.” At Benny’s confused stare, Sam shrugged. “I have demon blood, I’ve been possessed by a demon, AND I’ve been a vessel for an archangel.”

Benny gave Sam a half smirk. “You’ve really seen the world.”

Dropping the blood-stained shirt, Sam shrugged. “Life’s a bitch. And sometimes your destiny is to BE the bitch for a demon and an angel.” It was almost a joke, but not.

Sam’s tone was flat, in that ‘this is my life, and it sucks, but that’s the way it is’ tone that Dean knew. An attempt to console his brother almost came from his lips, but he stayed silent. It was so ingrained in him to help Sam, he wasn’t sure why he stayed silent. For a moment, he almost pushed the taller hunter away when he bared his arm to the vampire, but he realized Sam was right. Whatever evil power that was running through his blood could heal Benny. A sharp stab of pain ran through Dean when he realized that was how he thought of Sam now. Evil in his blood. It wasn’t right. Yes, he was angry. Yes, he was hurt, but how far has he fallen that the word evil came to mind with the man in front of him? He wondered what had truly happened to him in Purgatory that the thought came so easily to him now.

Sitting next to Benny, the younger Winchester offered his arm. “You’re gonna have to be careful. Dean might not like me right now, but I have to believe he’d be pissed if you killed me.”  His voice was a sad whisper that had the vampire feeling sympathy for the obviously lost kid in front of him. Even as his fangs descended he wondered what had happened to the love and trust Dean had told him about in Purgatory.

Dean was so lost in thought he hadn’t heard the exchange, but he couldn’t miss the wince of pain that flashed across Sam’s face when the vampire started to feed. He wondered if he’d be able to stop Benny if it looked like he was drinking too much. Anger flared in the older Winchester again, this time at himself as much as Sam. He was standing by and actually allowing a vampire to feed from his little brother. Only that wasn’t really how it felt. Not anymore.

_“Well, I don’t know when it happened. Maybe while I was in hell, maybe when I was staring right at you, but the Sam I knew, he’s gone.”_

The words that came from him under the siren’s spell haunted him. He’d pushed everything that had been said between them under the rug, like he always did. They both had. Or had they?

“Get away from me!” Benny’s voice dragged Dean from his thoughts.

“What the hell happened?” Dean turned to see the vampire wrench himself away from Sam.

Wiping his mouth, Benny looked up at Dean. “Crack is right.” He sighed. “Sam, just stay over there for a few. I’m sorry.”

 “It’s okay.” The taller man was literally dragging himself away from the vampire. “Told you.”

“Dean.” Benny’s voice was ragged. “Almost couldn’t stop. Never tasted anything like him. I almost killed him.”

“How much?” When the vampire didn’t answer, Dean gripped his arm. “How much blood did you take?”

“Enough to heal me. Not enough to do him permanent damage. Patch him up. Wrap that arm before something else smells him and comes after us.”

Turning, Dean realized that Sam was propped up against a tree about 10 feet from Benny and was clumsily trying to wrap his own arm. Reaching for the gauze, Dean examined the bite. A vampire had done this to Sam, while Dean stood back and let him.

“Gonna scar.”

Sam snorted. “One more.” His eyes closed.

“Don’t go to sleep. Can’t drag your ass out of here.”

“Tired.”

“Stay awake! Christ, I should have never let you do it.” Angry with himself, furious with his brother, Dean moved from Sam to check on Benny.

The vampire’s eyes were thoughtful as they considered the hunter in front of him.

“Gotta ask, brother, what’s goin’ on here?”

Hearing the vampire call Dean ‘brother’ was too much for Sam. It cut him to the quick to hear Dean accept someone else as a brother when his flesh and blood brother got black coffee for breakfast and delegated to the back seat for an angel. Closing his eyes, Sam gave in to the darkness that was calling him.

“Leave it alone, Benny.” Dean’s voice was just as much warning as pleading.

“To hear you tell it, the kid walked on water. Right this minute, you sound like you’d leave his ass right there against that tree.”

“I wouldn’t leave him.” Dean admitted. “But things change, I guess.”

“You told me your brother kicked the devil’s ass. Never mentioned that the son of a bitch was fuckin’ wearin’ him when he did it.”

“I don’t like to think about it.” Desperate to end the conversation, Dean reached down to the slice in Benny’s stomach. “Let me check this.”

“It’s fine. He was right about his blood. I’ll be up and around shortly.” He paused a moment. “But maybe you’d better think about it.”

“I get enough emo talk-it-out shit from him, Benny. Let it go.” But if Dean was honest with himself, he hadn’t. Not lately. Sam was more than willing to let things lie between them. As much as he always thought he’d hated it, Dean had to admit, if only to himself, he missed that. He had no idea what was going on in Sam’s mind, and, once again, Sam was in no mood to share. It reminded Dean too much of when he’d been drinking blood, or had no soul. He’d never had trouble other than those times figuring out what was going on just by looking at his brother. Not now. Once again, it crossed Dean’s mind that his brother just wasn’t there. Like his mind was somewhere else. With Amelia and the fucking dog, most likely.

“I been around a long time, brother. And I gotta tell you, I never met anyone that could take what he’s been through and still be standing.”

“There isn’t anybody else.” The rush of pride Dean felt when he said that surprised him.

Benny glanced over at the sleeping Winchester for a moment. “Watch him.”

“What?”

“Just……” Unable to explain what he’d seen when Sam had eviscerated the Barrunjor, he shook his head. “I’m just saying, maybe the kid’s at his limit. That’s all.”

“Right now, I’m just worried about getting the hell out of here.”

Taking the offered hand, Benny got to his feet. “I’m good, brother. Let’s get Sam up and moving.”

“Sam!” Dean moved to his brother and kicked his boot. “Wake up.”

Startled, Sam was halfway to his feet before he realized who was yelling at him. “What?” The world tilted and he nearly fell. An arm encircled his waist and he looked over, startled at how fast the vampire had reached him.

“I’m good, kid. You were right about the B12 crack. Let’s get out of here.”

It seemed to Sam that it was more out of habit than anything else, but Dean moved to his other side and helped support him. Donating blood after the adrenaline-fueled hunt had left Sam exhausted. Every few steps he stumbled and Dean or Benny had to keep him on his feet.

By the time they reached the hotel, Sam barely made it to the shower before he collapsed on the bed. While Benny jumped in the shower, Dean followed years of ingrained behavior and checked to make sure the bite wasn’t infected and that Sam was only sleeping.

Deciding that his brother would be fine after he slept it off, Dean made a decision. When Benny exited the bathroom, he grabbed his bag. “Sam’s going to sleep it off. I, on the other hand, am wide awake and in need of a drink. You game?”

“Lead the way.”

Grinning, Dean disappeared in the bathroom.

 

 

 

The bar was crowded, but Dean and Benny managed to get themselves a couple of barstools at the end of the bar. After a brief scan of the crowd, Dean shrugged and ordered Jack with a beer back.

“Anything potential?” Benny had never been in a bar with Dean, and he had no idea where Dean’s taste was when he wasn’t the only one in the room.

“Couple of possibilities. But I’m here for getting hammered. Getting laid would just be a nice bonus.”

Leaning closer, Benny whispered. “Bit of a bonus wouldn’t be a bad idea.”

Dean realized what Benny was suggesting. “Can’t go kick Sam out of the room. And I’m not in the mood to put up with the bullshit involved with that.” He’d never even breathed a hint that he and Sam had been lovers to Benny. No matter how mad he was at Sam, no matter that Sam didn’t want him anymore, there was no way in hell he’d actually fuck someone else in the same room. Was bad enough he knew Sam would probably figure out eventually that Dean had started fucking around with Benny in Purgatory. But he really didn’t want to hurt Sam. Or, if he stared past his own bullshit, hurt himself if he had to face the fact that Sam didn’t care.

“Well, then, I guess the night calls for another Jack with another chaser.” Benny smiled. Dean hadn’t actually said no. He’d just said not while Sam was around. That gave Benny an opening.  

Grinning, Dean waved to the bartender. “Line ‘em up!”


	3. The Lines Between Brotherhood and Blood Chapter 3

“Move it, Sammy!” Dean pushed Sam to the side of the bed.

The weight of his brother landing half on top of him startled Sam awake. “What the fuck?”

“Scoot over. Need some sleep.”

“Why in my bed?” For a split second, Sam let his hopes rise for the answer that Dean wanted to be in his bed.

“Cause Benny’s taking up all of mine.”

Shifting, Sam looked over and, sure enough, Benny was sprawled across Dean’s bed. Desperate to hide his disappointment, Sam growled at his brother. “What time is it?”

“Ass o’clock.”

Sam reached for Dean’s arm to read his watch. It was 5am.  Dean wasn’t lying on top of him for any reason other than being drunk and needing a space to pass out on. And he wasn’t going back to sleep anytime soon. It was time to get up. A nice, long run was just what he needed to get his head clear and his emotions under control. It was stupid of him to even hope Dean would want more from him now with things the way they were between them.

Dressing quietly, Sam dropped a note on the table telling Dean he was headed out for breakfast and a run.

 

Several hours later, Benny opened his eyes. The sun was out judging by the light around the curtains, but he had no idea what time it was. He sat up and was startled by the sight of Sam at the table with his legs stretched out over a second chair. Now that he could hear the tap tap tap of his fingers on the keyboard, Benny decided it was a really annoying sound.

“Well, one of you has decided to join the land of the living- sorry, so to speak.” Sam shrugged.

“What time is it?”

“3.” Went back to his keyboard.

For a moment, Benny stared at the younger Winchester. In the soft light coming around the curtain, he could see it. Sam was just as fuck-all hot as his brother. Maybe if Dean wasn’t up to working off some energy, he’d find out if the larger little brother swung both ways, too.

“You okay?”

Hazel eyes met his and he realized he’d been staring. “Yeah. Fine. Thanks to you.”

“Well, since you were kind of fucked up because of me, it was the least I could do.”

“Said it last night, kid. Tactical decision. You made the right call.”

“Thanks, but you mind laying off the ‘kid’ shit?”

Shrugging, Benny realized it was an honest question and Sam wasn’t just bitching at him. He glanced at Dean. “No offense. Guess I picked it up from him.”

“I know. Different when he says it. We’ve both…..” He couldn’t talk about that part. “It’s just…..” Having no idea why he was telling Benny this, Sam still searched for the words to use. “150 years in the cage has to count for something, you know? Even if all it counts for is that I’m not a kid anymore.”

“Hear him tell it, those 150 years count for a lot more than that, Sam. But, yeah, I hear you.” Sam was so tense he was vibrating, and Benny decided to try to lighten him up a bit. “Good thing it’s years not mileage, right?”

Sam actually almost laughed. “Feels more like a thousand.”

“Whatever the fuck you’re talking about, can it wait until I shoot the fucking bass drummer that’s playing in my head?” Dean muttered.

“That’s my cue.” Standing, Sam closed his laptop. “Tylenol and water on the table. Pizza on the dresser.” He packed the laptop in a case. “I’ll head over to the library and bump their Wi-Fi to find a case.”

“Good.” Dean didn’t open his eyes.

As he opened the door, Sam turned back to Benny. “Be careful to not breathe too loud. He’s got a gun, and if he says he’ll shoot you if you don’t shut up, he means it.”

“One time. One fucking time, and it was a fucking BB gun.” The older Winchester rolled over and buried his head under a pillow.

The door closed behind Sam quietly.

 

 

For about two hours after Sam left, Benny watched Dean sleep. He hoped with Sam out of the room for a while, Dean would be up for a little stress relief. Just as he was ready to give up on Dean and settle for a quick jerk off, the Winchester finally began to stir.

“’Bout damn time, brother. Thought you’d sleep ‘til Friday.”

“Nah.” Dean shook his head. “Just through the hangover.”

“How you feeling?”

“Like something died in my mouth.” Standing, Dean moved to the bathroom. Not quite closing the door all the way, he took care of the pressure in his bladder and began to brush his teeth. He knew Benny wanted to get laid and would most likely make a move shortly. He stared at his own reflection, wondering what he wanted. That was easy. He wanted Sam. But that wasn’t happening. Even as he tried to decide what he was going to do, the door opened.

Benny, now shirtless with his jeans hanging low on his hips, moved behind him.

Their eyes met in the mirror for a moment, and Dean realized it was time to make a decision. Pine over Sam, or, as his brother had put it, move on. Without a word, the hunter took a step back against the vampire.

There was nothing gentle about the way Benny gripped him and spun him around.

They didn’t kiss. It wasn’t what they were about. Although right that moment, Dean couldn’t begin guess what they were about. In Purgatory, they had been about quick release between hunting and being hunted. Now, there was no hurry, and Dean wasn’t sure what to expect. The feeling of the vampire’s hands brushing against his cock as he unbuttoned the hunter’s jeans and yanked them down made him twitch. Blood filled him, and he quickly reciprocated, leaving them skin to skin from the waist down. For a few minutes, Benny jerked them slowly, his rough hands scraping along sensitive skin. But it wasn’t enough. Grabbing his shirt roughly, Dean dragged him out to the bed and shoved him down on it. The sex between them had been rough, domination and subjugation, depending on who got the upper hand first. The first time Benny had thrown him to his knees and taken what he’d wanted had left Dean feeling off center. He wasn’t sure he could have thrown Benny, even if he’d really been trying. The hot flesh invading his body had made him feel vulnerable in a way he hadn’t liked, to be honest. The only one Dean had ever felt that comfortable being that vulnerable with was his brother. That level of trust, added to the fact that Dean hadn’t wanted to hurt his younger brother the first time, had left the him in the bottom position for only Sam.

Sam. Suddenly Dean was desperate to banish that name from his mind in a way he’d never been before. They were over.

Benny was busy removing his shirt when he was suddenly jerked to his feet and pushed just far enough away for Dean to replace him on the bed. Always one to go with the flow, Benny reacted by gripping Dean’s hips and pulling the hunter into position. Even as his fingers reached into Dean’s mouth, the hunter batted them away. “Lube, dude. In the drawer.”

Seconds later, a cold wet finger breeched him, and he froze. His body fought the intrusion, and he forced himself to calm down. For a brief moment, Dean wondered how this was going to go. They weren’t in Purgatory. They didn’t have to rush to take the edge off. A second finger was added, and he pushed back against it. The probing fingers went right for that spot that sent a jolt through Dean’s body, and he dropped his head. Fast and efficient worked for him, and no sooner had he felt the burn of a third finger, he nodded. “Go for it.”

That familiar combination of burn and stretch cleared his mind of everything. Benny wasn’t in the mood to stretch this out, and Dean met him harshly thrust for thrust.

Neither man heard the door open to reveal Sam.

“I forgot the charger for my tablet, so I figured I’d bring -“ When the sight of his brother having sex with the vampire processed in his brain, Sam’s breath caught in his throat.

Dean’s eyes met Sam’s, and for a split second, the older Winchester thought he saw something so raw in his brother’s eyes he almost threw Benny out of the bed. But then it was gone, so fast Dean believed he’d imagined it.

Still unable to breathe, Sam clamped down on everything. Quietly, he dropped the bags of food on the table and left.

When Sam said nothing, did nothing other than drop the food and leave, Dean felt the final push that things were over between them. Part of him wanted to scream, while another wanted to cry for what had been lost. Instead, he tightened his grip on the vampire, and resumed, taking their already brutal fucking up a notch.

Benny, still in the dark regarding what had transpired between the brothers, reacted to Dean by matching his increased urgency. Within seconds they were both groaning their releases.

Flopping on the bed, Dean wondered if this would be the final wedge that would send Sam away for good.

 

 

Auto pilot pushed Sam to the front office. In a strained whisper he asked for a second room. When his trembling hand reached out to take the key, the clerk asked him if he was all right. Even as Sam nodded, his mind seemed to scream “No” in a voice that made his entire body jerk. By the time he reached the door, his thoughts were racing so fast his head was full of a piercing white noise. It was like a tipping point had been reached for the hunter. He was so far beyond his ability to clamp down on the emotions flowing through him, the fight-or-flight reaction kicked in.

He was about ten feet from the Impala before he remembered that it was not his car and Dean had the keys. Which brought a replay of the image of his brother and Benny.

Losing any ability to think with any coherence, Sam ran. Instinctively, he tried to outrun the roar in his head. With no idea how long he’d run, when his body could no longer keep up with the demands being placed on it, he fell to his knees. On some level, he knew the laughter that reminded him of Lucifer was only his imagination. But when a pair of shoes appeared into his restricted center of vision, he panicked.

“Don’t touch me. Don’t touch me. Don’t touch me.” The words were stuck on repeat, echoing what he’d begged of Lucifer and Michael for over a century.

Other voices joined in, and Sam forced his body to move away from them until he bumped into something solid he couldn’t move. Barely sitting up, the hunter wrapped his long arms over his head and folded his body as small as he could manage.

The words “Don’t touch me,” continued to flow from his mouth until a sharp sound made him jump. Pulling the source of the sound out of his pocket, his mind couldn’t fill in the blanks enough to tell him what it was. So he pushed it away from him and retreated back into his own arms.

Cas was surprised when an unfamiliar voice answered Sam’s phone. “I am looking for Sam.”

“Big guy? Long hair?”

“That adequately describes his appearance.”

“Well, I hope you’re a friend, because he’s having one hell of a fucking meltdown. Threw his phone at me when it rang like he was afraid of it.”

Not knowing what a meltdown was, Cas felt he should get to Sam to see for himself. The stranger on the other end of the phone seemed glad to tell him where the younger Winchester was, and he tried to appear far enough away to avoid attention.

Cas needn’t have worried. There were maybe a dozen people, but every one of them was focused on Sam. He was literally cowering against the wall of a convenience store and muttering to himself.

“Please give him some room.” Cas tried to sound authoritative. He’d seen it work for Dean. The crowd didn’t move much, but a man approached him.

“You the one on the phone?”

“Yes.”

“Damn that was fast. Cops are on the way.”

“They will not be necessary.”

Handing Sam’s phone to the angel, the man shook his head. “I don’t know what’s wrong with him. Hell, I don’t even know what language he’s speaking -“

“Enochian.” Cas knew exactly what Sam was saying, and who he thought he was saying it to.

“Whatever that is. But every time someone gets close to him, he gets worse. Big as he is, he’s gonna hurt somebody.”

“He cannot hurt me.”

“Your funeral, buddy.”

Cas approached the hunter slowly, but it didn’t make a difference. Sam panicked, kicking long legs in an attempt to take out the angel’s knees. For a moment, Cas actually wished Sam could inflict damage. This was yet another horrific piece of fallout from the atrocities Cas had committed and he knew it. Tearing down the wall in Sam’s head had been the single worst act of cruelty he could have ever perpetrated on anyone. Taking Lucifer from Sam’s mind may have saved his life, but it did pathetically little for the torment the man in front of him would be forced to live with forever.

A few more blows rained down on him before he got close enough to gently grip Sam’s wrists and pin them in front of him.

“Sam! Look at me!”

The muttering turned to whimpering, but, other than that, there was no response.

Cas repeated his order, this time in Enochian, and the response was immediate. Even as ill-versed in human emotion as Cas was, he recognized in the fear and desperation in Sam’s eyes. Within a few seconds, it was replaced by recognition and possibly even a small amount of hope.

“Cas?”

“Yes.”

“Are you….. are you real?”

The angel didn’t know exactly why, but he was relieved to hear the words in English.

“Yes.” He allowed Sam’s hands to move slowly to grip the lapels of the trenchcoat.

“Help me.”

“I will.”

“Please.”

Even as he agreed to help the Winchester, Cas had no idea how. An idea came to him.  
I will call Dean.”

“NO! DON’T!” This time Sam’s pleas were emphasized by tears. “No. Dean’s gone. Gone. Forever. Done with me. Can’t call him. Left me again.”

Even though the angel knew Sam wasn’t really coherent enough to know what had really happened, he felt a surge of anger at the older Winchester for not being here to pull his brother back. But that was quickly replaced by a wave of regret and guilt. The condition Sam was in, not to mention whatever had or hadn’t happened between the brothers, the blame, all of the blame, lay with Cas.

“I will not call him. But you need to tell me where you are staying.” A shaky hand reached into his pocket and produced a key with a hotel name and room number on it.

The angel kept his attention on Sam, but he registered the sound of others approaching.

The hunter’s eyes lost contact with Cas and tracked movement behind him. Obviously fearing whoever was approaching, Sam began to struggle again.

“Sir, please step away.”

“I will handle him.” Cas didn’t turn to the figures behind him. “Step back.”

“We can’t allow him to hurt anyone.” The voice stepped closer, and Cas realized the police were surrounding them, tasers drawn.

Both Winchesters had repeatedly discouraged him from what they called “showing his mojo” in sight of other humans, but Cas decided he had no choice. They were not going to hurt Sam.

Taking the key with one hand, he touched Sam’s forehead with the other. Instantly, they were in Sam’s room at the motel, but Cas was forced to catch the hunter before he hit the ground, unconscious.


	4. Chapter 4

Even though he’d promised he wouldn’t, Cas considered calling Dean. But before he could commit to the decision, Sam began to stir.

“Sam?”

Hazel eyes opened and looked around. “Cas?”

“Yes.”

A long sigh and a few seconds of silence answered. “I’m sorry.”

“You have nothing to apologize for, Sam.”

Pushing his hands through his hair, the hunter sighed. “I had a pretty bad meltdown and took a few swings at you. So, yeah, sorry. And…..” He hesitated. “Thanks for not hauling ass when you figured out what was going on with me.”

“I will not ‘haul ass’ when you are in a condition I am responsible for putting you in.”

“Cas it wasn’t -“

“I was the one that brought hell crashing through your mind.”

“Stop it. We knew it was gonna happen sooner or later. Death told us that. And you did save my life when push came to shove.” Sam sighed. “I’m okay now. Got away from me, but I’m back.”

“I’m glad.” He wasn’t entirely convinced, but Cas was glad to hear the effort.

“You called me, right?”

“Yes, I did.”

“What’s going on?”

 For a second, Cas hesitated.

“Come on, Cas, I need something to focus on. What is it?”

“Something’s happened.”

“Something? Vague much?”

“I’m not entirely sure. I wanted you and Dean to see it.”

At the mention of his brother’s name, Sam clenched his fists and struggled to stay calm. “He’s in 138.”

“You have two rooms?”

“Yeah. It was a good idea, okay? Dean needed some privacy.”

Unable to read the strained tone, Cas was confused. “Dean has repeatedly reminded me of what he calls personal space, but that has rarely included you. What has happened?”

“Nothing! Okay?” Standing, Sam paced the small room. “Doesn’t matter.” Feeling himself losing control again, he silently begged the angel to let it go. But when did he ever get what he wanted?

“Since when does Dean require his own room?”

“Since he started fucking Benny! Will you let it go now?!” A few deep breaths, his fingernails digging into his palms to get his emotions back under control.

“I was not aware. I assumed that, given time, you and Dean would resume your sexual relationship.”

The hunter’s face was frozen in shock with his mouth literally hanging open for a moment. Then he was shaking his head. “We didn’t know you knew. I guessed that demons found out when we were in hell, so I guess it makes sense you’d figure it out, too.” Sadness replaced the shock. “But so did I. Hoped, anyway. Not happening.”

“It causes you pain.” The realization was evident in Cas’s voice. “I am sorry.”

“Look, if you want to knock on Dean’s door and tell him to get his ass in gear -” Wincing at his own bad choice in words, Sam took another deep breath. “- I’ll wait here until he’s ready to get on the road. And, Cas?”

“Yes?”

“Would you mind keeping what happened between us?”

“Perhaps Dean should know -“

“No. Whatever he’s got going with Benny might scare me, but I’m not going to pull him back because he feels responsible, or worse,  sorry for me.”

“I understand.”

“Thanks.”

 

The knock on the door woke Dean from a sound sleep. Throwing a blanket over Benny, he pulled on his jeans before opening the door. Expecting Sam, he was surprised to see Cas.

“I have a situation that I think might require yours and Sam’s attention.”

“Okay. Hello to you, too. I don’t know where Sam is, but-“

“Sam is in his room waiting for you to be ready.”

“His room?” Shit. He shouldn’t be surprised, but he was. Guess that’s how things were going to be from now on. “Give me ten.”

Exactly ten minutes later, Dean carried his and Sam’s bags to the car. The look on the younger Winchester’s face was the same detached expression Dean had come to associate with him. He couldn’t deny he was almost hoping to see something else. Anger, hurt, maybe even jealousy. Not that he wanted to see Sam in pain, but if there was something to work with, there was hope.

Instead Sam turned to Benny. “You coming?”

“Nothing important going on.”

Nodding, Sam turned to the Impala, further shocking his brother by climbing in the back seat with Cas.

“We have about a five hour drive.”

The drive was silent, Cas being aware of the tension, but unable to figure out what to do about it. Sam and Dean were watching each other carefully while trying desperately to NOT look like they were watching each other. Benny was the only one who was truly ignorant of the situation, but he was aware something was going on in the car.

Everyone breathed a sigh of relief when Dean finally parked the car and they were able to escape the strained confines. Still silent, Cas led them into a large abandoned warehouse at the end of a string of buildings that were in the hands of a bank with several foreclosure notices attached to them.

The sight that greeted the small group sent chills up the Winchester’s spines. A large circle encompassed the entire floor. Within the circle were six smaller circles, all with bodies in them. The designs tying them together were intricately detailed with markings woven through them.

“What the fuck?” Dean walked around the outside of the large circle carefully.

“Enochian?” Sam pointed to a few of the symbols. “Those are on our rib tats. Cas, what does this one say?”

“Olani vmd oiad obza ds oi in.”

Stopping, Sam stared at Cas for a moment. “Olani VMD oiad obza ds oi in? Ipamis olani PLAPLI oiad obza ds oi in?”

“Olani oai nor-qvashi.” Cas stated again.

Looking up, Sam’s eyes met Benny’s unspoken question. “I can speak it, but I can’t read it.”

“I’m impressed.”

Sam snorted. “Don’t be. Having it screamed at you for 150 years, you pick it up.” Then he shrugged. “They weren’t big on writing. Most of these seem to say the same thing. “I call to the one which is mine.””

“What’s with the bodies? Sacrifices?” Dean turned to Cas.

“These,” he pointed to five of the bodies, “were demons.”

“Hello, boys.” A voice stopped them all in their tracks.

Cas and Benny both caught the identical eye rolls from the Winchesters when Crowley appeared.

“This your handiwork?” Sam stared at the demon.

“On the contrary. I came by to make sure it wasn’t YOUR handiwork, gigantor.”

Sam shrugged. “Wasn’t me.”

“Better not be.” He approached Sam, glaring into the hunter’s eyes. “We have a deal.”

“A deal?” Dean stared at his brother. “You made a deal?”

“I’m holding up my end, Crowley.”

“What the fuck kind of deal did you make, Sam?” The words “deal” and “Sam” in the same sentence made Dean’s blood run cold.

“Don’t get your…. panties, is it? In a twist.” The demon smiled. “He didn’t use tongue.” Moving along the circle, he stared at the group. Sam stood at the end with Benny, then Dean, with Cas at the opposite end. “Castiel. Smelled those rotting wings the moment I got here.” Eying Benny, Crowley moved closer. “A vampire?” He laughed. “Slumming are you?”

“Back off.” Dean’s voice was low and threatening.

Once again, it hit Sam that Dean was every bit as protective of Benny as he USED to be of him, and it hurt.

It wasn’t lost on Crowley, either. He moved closer to them. Suddenly he began to laugh. Once he started he didn’t stop for a time long enough that the entire group stared at him wondering if something was wrong with him. Finally he pulled his handkerchief out of his pocket and wiped his eyes. “Oh, this is priceless. Never thought I’d see this one.” With a knowing grin, Crowley moved to Sam. “So, how does it feel to be the odd man out these days, Sammy?”

Sam tried to pretend he didn’t know what Crowley was talking about, but he tensed.

“Fuck. Off.” Taking a step closer to the demon, Sam’s entire body began to tremble. “You don’t know shit.”

“I know those two reek of each other. Which means YOU, Moose, are the odd man out. How does it feel to be replaced? Tell me, does big brother let his moose even sleep at the foot of his bed these days?”

Sam took another step, appearing to have every intention of taking on the demon.

Cas turned to Dean. “Dean! Call your brother back. Now!”

“Sam!”

Another step towards Crowley, who was about to lose his sense of humor with the Winchester.

“Sammy!”

Instantly, Sam stopped and turned to his brother. It had been so long since he’d heard that name from his brother.

“Nice to see that leash is as strong as ever.” Crowley turned to Dean. “You just saved your gigantic brother’s life.” He laughed again. “I see Castiel took the crazy, but he did absolutely nothing for your anger management issues.” Moving to Benny, the demon pointed to Dean. “I’m feeling generous today, so take a little advice from someone who is well versed in all things Winchester. Dean here might have a good leash on Sasquatch, but a word of warning, when this gigantic ball of anger breaks his chain?” He leaned in conspiratorially. “He makes my best hell hound look like a whelp. And I’m guessing the vampire that took his place with his beloved big brother will be the first on the list of things he wants to kill.”

The thoughts were flying through Sam’s head again and he just wanted it to stop. “Crowley, I didn’t do this. You can go now.”

“You better hope I don’t find out if you did, Sammy. After what you did for big brother, it’d be a shame if I had to kill him now.”

“I didn’t, so you can’t violate the deal either, Crowley.” Gritting his teeth, Sam actually forced the words out. “Devil’s in the details. Isn’t that what you told me?”

“Bloody fucking part-time lawyer. I have crossroad demons that can’t write a contract the way you do.”

“You agreed to every line.” Before Crowley could answer, Sam moved closer again. “I don’t care if you never thought Dean would come back. Deal. Still. Stands.”

The demon met Sam halfway. “You gonna kiss me again? This time I could be convinced to throw in a mercy fuck.”

Even as Sam’s fist headed for the demon, he disappeared. Swinging at thin air almost sent Sam to the ground, but Cas caught him.

“Don’t.” Moving away, Sam struggled to even out his breathing.

Still unsure of what he had just heard, Dean focused on the obvious. “You made a deal with Crowley?”

“He won’t come after you.”

“I don’t give a fuck he won’t come after me, you stupid son of a bitch! What the fuck did you give him, Sam?”

“Not my soul, Dean.” Now he laughed, but there was no humor. “No one has ever wanted my fucking nasty soul, remember?” Stepping into one of the circles, Sam turned to Cas. “Five are demons, one isn’t. Read this.”

“Sammy-“

“Not now.” Sam turned from his brother to the angel. “I can’t think, Cas. Help me.”

Realizing that the hunter meant more than just helping with the translation, Cas moved closer to him. “That is a vessel of an angel. The inscription reads olani dlvgar cnila.”

“They bled five demons and an angel vessel dry? What the fuck were they summoning?” Dean’s voice rose as he demanded some answers.

Benny watched Dean carefully. The confusion, fear, and anger were hard to miss. And the longer he went without getting any answers out of Sam, the more upset he became. The fact that his brother, and now apparently the angel, were ignoring him made matters worse.

Sam was desperate to not let his emotions get more out of control then they were. He’d been so careful to not let Dean see how bad it was, and it was all about to fall apart. He was about to fall apart. Gripping Cas’s coat, he dragged the angel from one side of the warehouse to the other, discussing the phrases mapped out across the floor.

Most of what they said was in Enochian, which also fueled Dean’s temper. Finally he’d had enough. “Goddammit, Sam!”   

When he gripped Sam’s arm, the younger man jerked his arm away so fast he fell into the angel. “I can’t. I can’t. I have to focus. I have to do this.”

Responding to the real desperation in his voice, Cas softly read the inscriptions to him. “Some of these are pagan.”

“Like pagan gods?”

“Yes. But here, cnila deo ol ip torzv ol hoath micalz gassagen.”  Sam and Cas stopped to look at each other.

 “Powerful could be arch?” The hunter’s voice was barely above a whisper.

“Yes.”

Sam’s face turned white and he looked like he was about to faint. Cas gripped his arm and shook his head. “This is not about Lucifer.”

“Then who? Who else would some fucking pagan god be summoning?”

“Would the two of  you for Christ’s sake tell me in English what the fuck is going on?” Dean was past any semblance of patience with this.

Still holding on to Sam, Cas turned to him. “Someone is trying to raise an archangel.”

Dean’s skin took almost the same color as Sam’s. “And you’re sure it’s not Lucifer?”

“Yes. This is a pagan ritual mixed with Christian. And it repeats the word love. And I don’t believe they are trying to raise the archangel.” Cas turned to Sam. “I believe this means they are trying to bring one back from the dead.”

Dean rolled his eyes. “That’s SO much better. Didn’t Raphael want to put the Apocalypse back on track? Can’t say he’d be a much better choice.”

 “Did it work?” Sam gestured to the circle and the bodies. “Some pretty dark magic going on here. Did it work?”

“No. In order to raise an archangel, they would need the blood of a vessel of one. This vessel was for a much lower angel in the ranks. There wasn’t nearly enough power.”

“Is the angel dead?”

“I don’t believe so. This was an empty vessel when it was killed.”

“He, Cas. He was an empty vessel.” Sam glared at the angel. “Doesn’t look like enough blood here to have killed him.”

“His neck is broken.”

“Wait, wait.” His eyes clear and dispassionate once again, Sam turned to Cas. “Cnila deo?”

Dean recognized the look on Sam’s face to mean that something had clicked and he was about to hear the theory. Stepping back from his brother, he wondered when Cas had become better at reading what the younger man needed.

“What about a spell? Not a ritual, which is the literal translation, but a spell? A ritual would have required the vessel to be bled out, but what if it was for a spell?”

“It could be.”

“Holy shit.” Sam smiled.

“I don’t believe that-“

“Shut up, Cas. He’s on to something. Aren’t you, Sammy?”

Another pang at that nickname almost cracked the hold he had over his emotions, but he nodded. “Pagan god, blood spell, a dead archangel.”

Both Winchesters spoke at once.

“Kali?” Dean’s was a question.

“Kali.” Sam’s was an answer.

The room was silent for a moment, then Sam began to laugh. Once he started he couldn’t stop. Dropping to his knees, he put his hands over his face and his body shook. A hand touched his shoulder and he jumped.

“You’re starting to scare me, Sam.”

He looked up at his brother. “It’s just….” He took a deep breath. “It’s just that we’re in a panic here, thinking that some asshole was trying to restart the apocalypse. And all it is….” Wiping his eyes, Sam shrugged. “He was right about her.”

“I do not understand.” Cas stepped closer. “Who was right?”

“Gabriel.” Standing, Sam stared at the circles in front of him. “Gabriel sacrificed himself for Kali. We were just a bonus of that. He loved her. Now she’s trying to bring him back. She loves him.”

Benny finally joined the group. “A pagan god is trying to raise an archangel from the dead?” He shook his head. “Brother, when you told me your life had been one extreme end of the weird shit meter to the other, I thought you were exaggerating.”

Dean smiled at the vampire and shrugged, but Sam turned away and walked towards the wall. Just hearing the word ‘brother’ again threatened to tear apart the fragile control he had over himself. Before he could fall apart again, he turned to the angel.

“Cas, can you find Kali?”

“We can summon her.”

Sam shook his head. “I don’t want to poke her with a stick. Can you just find her?”

“It might take some time, but most likely.”

“Good. Find her. Tell her Sam Winchester wants to talk to her.”

“What makes you think she won’t just kill you? You just going to ask her nicely to stop trying to raise this angel she loves? I mean, you are a vessel for an archangel and that’s what she needs.” Oblivious to Sam’s mental state, Benny approached him.

Unconsciously, Sam took a step back. “Because we helped Gabriel save her life. She owes us. Besides, I don’t want to ask her to stop. I want to help her.”

“No! No fucking way!” Dean reached for his brother’s arm, but Sam pulled away too quickly. “She’s not going to bleed you dry to get that son of a bitch back.”

“There isn’t enough blood here to ‘bleed anyone dry’, Dean. The vessel was probably killed because he didn’t cooperate.”

“So you’re willing to just open a vein for him? He killed me two hundred fucking times, Sam, or did you forget that?”

Sam’s eyes flashed a combination of hurt and anger when they met Dean’s. “I’ll never forget that! I remember ever fucking second of it!” Once again he felt himself losing control and he turned away from his brother. “But he came through in the end. He saved our lives, gave us the way to putting Lucifer away, and got killed, by Lucifer, for trying. So, yeah, I’ll help Kali get him back.” This time his eyes were soft and sad when he turned back to Dean. “I’d like to think somebody should get the chance to be happy.”

Before Dean could even process what meaning lied beneath those words, his brother was already looking at Cas.

“Can you take care of this? We’re done. Let me know when you find Kali.”

As the angel nodded, Sam left the warehouse and went back to the Impala.

 

 

As soon as the Impala stopped in the parking lot of the motel, Sam got out and went into the office. Dean wasn’t surprised when Sam handed him a key to a second room, but he was a bit disappointed. The only thing he wanted was to have his brother alone, to try to talk him out of this ridiculous mission of helping Kali. And maybe have a conversation about a lot of other things between them - the deal with Crowley being at the top of his list, and how to get his brother out of it. But since Benny was still with them, it was apparently going to be impossible. Other than the few comments the vampire had made regarding the scene at the warehouse, he’d been strangely quiet. Dean knew a conversation with him was coming that the hunter really didn’t want to have.

Without a word, Sam grabbed his bag and headed for his own room. He knew if he even looked in his brother’s direction, he’d cave in to his desire to beg Dean to tell Benny to leave. He was afraid that Dean would do it, out of guilt, pity, anything other than he wanted to be with Sam. Or worse, that Dean would refuse him and remind him once again that he prefers Benny’s company. As soon as he closed the door behind him, he fell more than sat on the bed. The tremors he’d been fighting took over and he curled up on his side. He was exhausted from the struggle to keep his emotions under control, but now he was alone and there was no one there to see how bad he was. Fortunately, even as the familiar white noise started in the back of his mind grew, he fell asleep.

Benny dropped his bag on the table and sat on the bed. It wasn’t lost on him that Sam had secured them a room with only one bed. He stared at Dean, knowing that the constant movement of the hunter was a way to postpone the questions that he wanted to ask.

“Dean.” He was ignored. “Dean.”

Finally the hunter turned to him and sighed.

“You and Sam?”

“Look, I know how it sounds, but-“

“You misunderstand. Believe me, brother, I’m the last one to condemn anyone for their choices in bed. I don’t care what you and Sam do. But if Sam’s going to decide to take my head off over you, I’d like to think you’d give me a warning.”

“He’s not going to do anything.” Dean sighed. “In case you missed the part where Sam wants to quit hunting and go back to his girlfriend, it’s over between us.”

“And this isn’t to see what he’ll do?”

“I’ll be honest with you. And I don’t do that often, so take a fucking note. I’m not saying this again. If I thought it would bring Sam back? I would have dragged you back to the hotel that night and fucked you right in front of him. It won’t. He’s done. Wants no part of hunting, or me. We clear?”

For a long moment, Benny simply stared at Dean. Finally he sighed. “I’m not sure you’re really seeing things as they are.”

“What does that mean?”

“I mean, Sam is…… I didn’t say anything because I didn’t think it was my place. But I saw him kill that barronjor. The look on his face when he did it -- I just don’t see a man that’s done when I look at Sam. I see a man that’s reached his limit.”

“You don’t know him.”

“You’re right. I don’t. But I know the look of someone that’s had enough. And that guy has had enough. And I think he knows it.”

“What does that mean?” The question was out before Dean could stop it. All he wanted was for this conversation to be over.

“It means I wouldn’t want to be the one to drag him on the hunt that finally breaks him.” Standing, he reached for the door. “Food for thought, brother. I’m gonna go grab us a six pack.”

Staring at the door, Dean wondered what was really going on that Cas, and now a vampire, seemed to have a better take on what was going on with Sam then he did. Picking up his phone, he pulled up his brother’s cell. After hovering over the call button for a few minutes, he decided against it. Sometime in the near future, they were going to have to do this face to face.

 

Sam opened his eyes, realizing after looking at the clock he’d slept for over two hours. For a moment, he wondered what Dean and Benny were doing, then sighed. He really didn’t want to think about what his brother and the vampire were doing alone in the hotel room. In a dazed moment of weakness, he allowed a few tears to escape. It was killing him to know that Benny was touching Dean. That Dean was giving him what Sam wanted more than anything else in the world.

When he finally forced himself to his feet, the room spun for a moment and he knew he should tell Dean what was really going on with him. But the last few days had taught him that keeping his emotions in check was the only way to go. He did bad things when he let his feelings free, and now that Dean was back, he’d be right in the middle of the fallout. The episode he’d had earlier proved that, and he was grateful that Cas was the one to find him. Dean was struggling with being back from Purgatory, and the last thing he needed was Sam off the rails again.

Deciding that a hot shower was just what he needed, he moved to the bathroom. It wasn’t twenty minutes later he emerged in a towel to find Cas and Kali waiting for him.

Startled, Sam snapped at Cas. “It’s bad enough when you pop in on me. Do you think you could warn me when you’re bringing someone else, so I could, you know, maybe put some fucking pants on?”

“Sam Winchester.”

“Kali.” He sighed again. “Cas, can you go get Dean and Benny? 165. And I’d suggest you actually knock on his door from the outside. I’m going to….” He grabbed his clothes and pointed to the bathroom.

“Put pants on?” Something in Cas’s voice made Sam almost think he was joking at Sam’s expense.

“Exactly.” He turned to Kali, who was studying him with a strange look on her face. “Excuse me.”

“Quaint.”

“What?”

“You’re embarrassed. Such a quaint human trait. One of the few that I find endearing.”

“Glad I could amuse you.” Sighing again, Sam went into the bathroom and locked the door. Wouldn’t stop Cas or Kali, but it made him feel better.

 

Dean had just shoved the last bite of pizza in his mouth when Cas knocked on the door. Benny opened it and the angel stepped inside.

“Knocking? Switching it up these days?” Dean stared at him.

“Sam suggested it. Kali is here.”

“Where is she?”

“In Sam’s room. Sam is putting his pants on.”

For a split second, Dean almost demanded to know why Sam’s pants were off in the first place, but he stopped himself. First, it made him sound like a jealous wife. Second, it really wasn’t any of his business anymore. Draining the last of his beer, Dean followed Benny and Cas back to Sam’s room.  

When Dean knocked on the door, Sam opened it immediately, as if he were standing behind it. Before Dean could say a word, Sam moved back to the table and sat across from the pagan god.

“Can we get this over with?” Kali eyed the men coldly.

“We found your circles.” Sam shrugged. “Figured out what you’re up to.”

Now she laughed. “And you think you can stop me?”

“No.” Sam met her stare evenly. “You’re trying to raise Gabriel, right?”

“I don’t see where it’s any of your business, hunter.”

“You used the blood of a vessel for an angel that didn’t have enough mojo to pull it off. That’s why it didn’t work.”

Shrugging, Kali looked at Cas. “Guess you helped him figure that part out.” Her attention returned to Sam. “You’re right. I’ve tried twice.”

“Twice?”

“The first time I used the actual blood I took from Gabriel when we were all at the hotel. I didn’t have enough. So I tried an actual vessel.”

“Why do you want to raise Gabriel from the dead?” Sam wanted to hear it.

“I have my reasons.”

Sam shook his head. “You’re not going to all this trouble just to kill him again -“

“Who are you to suggest that? You don’t know me. You have no idea -“ Her eyes flashed angrily and she started to stand.

“You’re right. I don’t. But Gabriel did. He thought you were worth dying for.” Everything in Sam wanted to get to his feet when Kali did. But he forced himself to remain seated.

That stopped her. “He shouldn’t have done it.”

“So let’s fix it.”

For a moment, Kali stared at Sam, trying to figure out if he meant what he was saying.

“I want to help you.” He shrugged. “I am an archangel’s vessel. Cas says that’s what you need.”

“Why? Why would you want to help?” The pagan god obviously didn’t want to show how surprised she was, but she couldn’t quite control her tone.

“Because it was my fault. Lucifer wouldn’t have been there if it wasn’t for me.”

Dean had heard enough. “This is bullshit, Sam. They fucking kidnapped us to bring him there.”

“Dean, stop. I let him out. It was my fault he was out of his cage to end up in that hotel. And Gabriel died trying to save all of us.” Sam turned back to Kali. “And he told us how to put Lucifer back in his cage.”

“I hear Michael’s there, as well.” Kali leaned a bit closer. “And you were there for a while.”

Every muscle tensed and Sam nodded at her.

“I could simply kill you and take what I need.”

This time it was Cas. He moved to the table. “You know what happened the last time you decided to take on an angel.”

Putting his hand softly on the angel’s arm, Sam squeezed it. “Why would you kill me? I’m here. I’m offering to try to fix something I’ve done.”

“So I do this for love and you do it for absolution.” Kali stared at Sam. “I accept your offer.”

“You have to get the circle together. I can’t help with the demons.” He shrugged. “Part of a deal I made.”

“A hunter that can’t hunt demons? Makes you a bit….. useless, doesn’t it?”

“Keeps me out of trouble.” Sam tried to make it sound like a joke, but his brother knew damn well there was more to it.

“Don’t think that discussion is over, either, Sam.” Before Sam could reply he nodded. “I know, later. But this time later IS coming. You hear me?”

Ignoring Dean, the younger Winchester turned back to Kali. “Call me when you’re ready.”

“Wait.” Dean wasn’t satisfied. “What will this do to him?”

“Nothing.” Cas kept his eyes on Kali. “A manageable amount of blood is needed. He will need to be in the circle, but unless she does something that will get her killed, no harm will come to Sam.”

“I will not harm the vessel.” Kali agreed. “I have no need to. Are we in agreement?”

“We are.” Sam nodded.

“I’ll be in touch.” With those final words, the pagan god disappeared.

“What the fuck have you gotten yourself into, Sam?” Dean was pissed.

“I can help, Dean. Cas even said I’ll be fine.” He knew neither he nor Cas were high on Dean’s trusted list these days. But he knew who was. “Benny, any thoughts?”

“I’ve spent the last two hundred years avoiding angels, and that was the first time I’ve met a pagan god, so I can’t say much, Sam.”

“And since we’ve spent almost our entire lives getting fucked over by them, you should know better.” Dean wasn’t going to let this go.

“It’s done. Now we wait for Kali to call.” The younger Winchester felt a small sliver of hope at the worry behind his brother’s voice, but he squelched it quickly. “I’m going to go grab something to eat.” Before anyone could say anything else to him, he was out the door.

Benny’s words from earlier went through Dean’s mind. “Cas, I want the truth. Is he okay?”

Unwilling to betray the trust Sam placed in him, Cas chose his words carefully. “The image in his mind of Lucifer that was killing him is gone. That does not mean he does not remember every second he spent in the cage with my brothers. I cannot help him with that, and I am sorry.”

“Yeah, you’re fucking sorry. Does that mean he’s not alright?”

“You would have to ask him.”

“Goddammit, Cas! How much trouble is he in?” Once again, there was something about his brother that he wasn’t being told. “Why is everything such a fucking secret with him? I’m tired of this bullshit.” Dean kicked the chair his brother had just vacated. “Do me a favor - keep him from getting himself killed, since you’re the one he trusts these days.” Throwing the door open, he stormed out of the room. “I can’t watch him die again.”

Being alone with the angel made the vampire nervous and moved towards the door. Cas didn’t seem to even notice him. Briefly Benny wondered what would have an Angel of the Lord so lost in thought, but he had no interest in asking. Deliberately trying to avoid drawing attention to himself, he left the room quickly.


	5. The Lines Between Brotherhood and Blood Chapter 5

It didn’t take long for Benny to catch up with Dean. There was a liquor store across the street and beer wasn’t going to be enough for tonight. The vampire remained silent, watching Dean grab two bottles of cheap whiskey and pay for them. He’d seen these… what he called ‘silent moods’ from Dean numerous times in Purgatory. They were always connected to Sam, and this time was no different. When they were finally back in the hotel room, Benny made a decision.

“Talk to me, brother.”

“Nothing to talk about.” Dean broke the seal on the first bottle and took a long drink. “My brother is an idiot with a death wish.”

“Your angel friend said he’ll be fine.”

“Cas has lied before. What he did to Sam……” Shaking his head, he took a longer drink. “You have no idea what he put Sam through.” Even on top of the beer, Dean wasn’t feeling the liquor fast enough.

“And you.” Taking the bottle, Benny took a drink of his own.

“Saved me from hell. Soul and all. I was God’s chosen one.” He rolled his eyes. “Bastard pulled part of Sam out, and after I fixed it, he had to go and destroy that, too.”

“Sam believed Cas that he’ll be fine.”

“Like I said,” Another drink. “Sam’s an idiot with a death wish. He trusts the son of a bitch that almost killed him.”

“I thought he saved Sam when hallucinations were killing him.”

The discussion was really starting to piss Dean off. He couldn’t drink enough to make this conversation okay. “Cas half-ass fixed what HE broke. Doesn’t make what he did okay.” He swallowed some more, begging the liquor to make him stop feeling like he was about to break. “But even if he’s acting like a stranger these days, I know what makes my brother tick. He’s so desperate to fix anything he thinks is his fault? I don’t think he’d care if it did kill him.”

 “What are you going to do?”

“I’m going to try to have one fucking conversation with him. Whether he likes it or not.” He had another drink. “As soon as I can force him to stand still for two fucking minutes.”

 

Sam stayed gone long enough to eat a salad, drink four beers, and piss off two girls that tried to hit on him. When he opened the door to his room, he wasn’t surprised to see Cas sitting on the bed.

“I take it the party ended soon after I left?”

“There was no party.”

Shaking his head, Sam sat on a chair facing the angel. “No word from Kali yet?”

“No.”

After a moment of silence, Sam began to get antsy. “Can we really do this?”

“Are you sure you want to?” Cas met his gaze evenly.

The hunter hesitated a moment. “Yes. If I can help, I want to.”

“I believe it will work.”

“Then we do it.” He felt like his body was actually vibrating with energy. “Cas, can I ask you a question?”

“Of course. If I have an answer, I will give it to you.”

Sam stood and began to pace. His thoughts were moving through his head so quickly he was having a difficult time keeping them straight. “Dean doesn’t trust me, Cas. He is having a really hard time adjusting.” He took a deep breath. “I need to get myself under control. If he can’t…. I just don’t understand what he’s going through. I mean, until I was in the cage I didn’t really understand what he went through in hell, either.”

“The cage was vastly different.”

“Yeah, I know, but there’s at least a basis to compare. I…. I don’t have any idea what happened to him. And he’s so… he’s different.” Turning to the angel, Sam took a breath and dove in.  “What was Purgatory like?”

The angel studied him for a moment. “I was hunted. Leviathans put a price on my head, and I could only hide from them for short periods of time.”

“Wait.” Sam moved closer. “You weren’t with Dean?”

“It wasn’t safe for me to remain with him. As an angel, it was easy for them to find me.”

“Dean was with Benny.”

Cas nodded. “When they found me, yes, Benny was with Dean. Benny knew how to get out of Purgatory, but Dean wouldn’t consider leaving without me.”

Everything suddenly made sense to Sam. Cas had abandoned Dean in Purgatory. Sam had stopped trying to get him out and had effectively abandoned him as well. Dean was right. And it was truly pathetic. A vampire was a better brother then he’d ever been, and a better friend than either he or Cas had been to Dean.

“He’s right, Cas. Dean’s better off without either one of us.” Tears came, and Sam’s entire body began to tremble. It occurred to him that getting away from his brother would be the kindest thing he could possibly do. All he’d ever done was hurt Dean, and with the shaky control he managed to maintain over himself, it felt to Sam like he was just setting the scene to hurt him again.

“I have not been a good friend to either of you.” The admission was difficult for the angel.

“I’m not one to talk, Cas. We’ve both done some pretty shitty things.” The man sighed. “And Dean paid for most of them.” He could feel his control slipping and he clenched his fists. “I can’t….. I need to……” Unsure of what he actually needed at that moment, Sam reached down and gripped the edges of the table. His knuckles turned white and his body trembled. “How do I….. Damn it!” The table caved where he had a hold of it, and he was left holding two pieces of cheap Formica. “I can’t be what he needs anymore.” It was like he suddenly lost all of his energy, and he literally fell into a chair. “I can’t.” Feeling as if a wave of sadness literally washed over him, Sam put his head down on what was left of the table.

Cas was unsure of what to do, but he’d seen Dean deal with Sam in this condition before. Awkwardly, the angel moved to the man and gently touched his head.

“Crossing into creepy now.” The voice was muffled, but the angel got the message.

“I am sorry.”

“No, I’m sorry.” Lifting his head, Sam stared at the angel. “You’re trying, and I’m being an asshole. I don’t know how long I can keep going like this, Cas. I just don’t.” He knew his emotions were getting away from him again, and when he felt like this his body felt twice its normal size to the point moving was more effort than he could manage. “I have to get out. I’m just not good like this for anyone. And before you say anything, this doesn’t have a hell of a lot to do with anything you did or didn’t do. Ever since Dean’s been gone it’s like there’s nothing to hang onto.” He was losing the battle against tears, but he swiped at his own eyes anyway. “I always put too much of who I was on him. S’not his job to put me back together anymore.”    

“Dean said you had a dog and a woman.”

“I know. He went to Purgatory and I got a dog.” He knew where this was headed and he forced himself to move to the bed. The feelings coursing through him made his body tremble. “I let him down again. Seems to be all I’ve ever been able to do.”

In a very rare moment of insight into the human in front of him, Cas sat next to him on the bed. “I wish I knew how to help you.”

“Yeah, me too.” His voice broke and he stopped fighting. “Wasn’t really any good for her, either, you know?”

“Her?”

“Amelia. I was half-assing it, like I always do. I knew one small thing could set me off, so I leaned on her to keep it together. Only she was barely holding on herself. So we kept each other from jumping off the cliff.”

A sharp knock on the door made the hunter jump. “It’s Dean. Tell him I’m asleep or something. I can’t….. I need a few minutes.”

Moving to the door, Cas opened it and stepped out. “Sam is not doing well. He will be out in a minute.”

“What happened?”

“You went to Purgatory and he got a dog.”

For a moment, Dean stared at the angel. “Yeah, I got that. Appreciate it, too. Glad he finally got the goddamned dog he always wanted.” Even as the words left his mouth, he wondered why he was saying it. He wanted to fix things with Sam, not make things worse. But, as usual, his mouth got away from him and he spit out the words before he thought about them.

“You are angry with him.” Cas stared at him curiously. “I do not understand. You bring Sam with you, yet you continue to remind him that he is unworthy and you no longer prefer his company.”

“He’s not even here, Cas! He’s halfway out the fucking door. What the fuck am I supposed to do with that?” Anger, Dean’s default emotion, took over. “Son of a bitch agreed to finish this shit with Kevin before he ran out the door again. Like he’s doing me some great fucking favor cleaning up one of his messes before he runs back to his fucking wife wanna-be, so-“

Gripping the hunter’s shirt, Cas dragged him away from the doorway. He had no doubt Sam could hear every word out of his brother’s mouth.

“I was there, Dean. I understand exactly what and who we were in Purgatory. But this isn’t something you can stab or run from. You would be wise to remember the last time you turned your brother away he nearly ended the world.”

Stunned, Dean stood there and stared at Cas. “What the fuck does that mean?”

Releasing him, Cas turned and headed back to the hotel room. “It means whatever you choose to take from it.”

Once again, Dean was left feeling like he’d missed something very important where Sam was concerned. Something that Cas obviously had not missed. Watching the angel disappear back into his brother’s room, Dean sighed. Odds were that Sam heard everything he’d said, and it probably wouldn’t be a great time to try to have a conversation with him. But he also knew they were running out of time. Kali would be returning anytime now for Sam’s blood. The demons would be in the circle, waiting only for the vessel.

Another surge of anger ran through Dean. He desperately wanted to know more about the deal between Sam and Crowley. Part of it had been about him, Sam admitted that much. He was off limits to Crowley unless Sam violated the terms of the deal, which obviously included not going after any demon. But what about Sam? What had he promised to Crowley to guarantee Dean’s safety? They had learned the hard way, several times, that deals with demons NEVER went well. Yet Sam had apparently decided to go ahead and do it. Hadn’t been to bring him back. Dean had still been stuck in Purgatory. So what else did Sam want so badly he was willing to go to Crowley to get it?

Normal. Safe. Something he’d never had before. Sam’s words echoed in Dean’s head and he realized what his brother had bargained for. Sam stopped hunting. Crowley backed off. Simple deal. Got Sam everything he wanted. Until Dean had made his badly timed resurrection from the dead.  For a moment, he couldn’t breathe. Sam hadn’t wanted him back. Dean had messed up everything Sam had made the deal with Crowley to get. He’d been foolish enough to think that nothing Sam did could hurt him as badly as he had in the past. He’d been wrong. The thought that Sam had completely turned his back on him, their life, everything their life had meant, and actually made a deal to leave Kevin with Crowley, Dean in Purgatory, to have his woman and dog ripped Dean’s heart out. How could he have even hoped that they might work things out together when he was the last thing Sam wanted?

Shoving the hurt down, Dean decided to give his brother what he wanted.

 

 

 

When Cas opened the motel room door, Sam was curled up on the bed. His eyes were closed, but the angel knew he was awake.

“That was Dean.”

Sam didn’t answer, but his body trembled.

“He is upset.”

“He hates me.” His voice breaking, Sam sat up. “I’m wasting my time being here. We’re never going to work anything out. I’m never going to get my brother back.”

The pain radiating from him left Cas at a loss. He had no idea what to say to the broken man in front of him. It had always fallen to Dean to figure out how to handle the younger Winchester. Before he could even attempt to formulate a plan, another sharp knock at the door made Sam jump to his feet.

“I can’t. I can’t……” Shaking his head, he backed into the wall and stood there.

Cas opened the door, but Dean slid past him.

“You’re out.”

Sam’s throat tightened to the point he could barely breathe and he waited for his brother to continue.

“I should have never dragged you along with me. You tried to tell me you didn’t want to do this anymore, and I didn’t listen. Don’t worry about Kevin. Benny, me, and Cas will take care of it. You finally got everything you wanted and I’m not going to be the one to tear you away from it.”

Sam still couldn’t force words past the lump in his throat and Dean took that to be agreement. “I’ll drop you wherever you want to go, or you can have Cas send you.” Tears came to the older man’s eyes and he fought them. “I should have left you alone. The only thing I can do for you now is let you go.”

Before Sam could even try to respond, Dean turned and left the room.

The sound of the door closing softly was all it took. The muscles in Sam’s body suddenly refused to cooperate and he fell to the floor.  Crawling to the corner between the bed and the wall, Sam curled his body into a ball and began to whisper to himself.

When Cas approached him, he only got louder. The enochian coming from the hunter’s mouth was all it took to tell Cas he was ‘gone again’ as Sam put it. He was muttering too fast for Cas to catch every word, but he understood a few phrases.

“ Nostoah as ipamis homil. Ipamis emna.”

The angel moved closer and spoke to him in a low voice.

“It is true. Dean is here, Sam. Things do not have to be this way between you.”  But he got no response. Sam continued to talk to himself as if he were alone in the room. Thinking it had worked before, the angel tried to speak to him in Enochian. But he still got no response. Sympathy was still a relatively new emotion for the angel, but he realized how badly the man in front of him was hurting. Gently, he touched his fingers to Sam’s forehead and caught the unconscious man before he could hit the ground. Lifting him to the bed as if he weighed twenty pounds instead of over two hundred, the angel stretched him out to his full 6’5” and covered him with a blanket.

Hoping Sam would be alert and responsive when he woke, the angel sat in a chair and watched over him.

 

Unable to face Benny at the moment, Dean headed across the street to the liquor store. Intent on completely blacking out the last hour of his life, he grabbed the biggest bottle of Jack Daniels he could find and paid for it without even looking up at the cashier. He took the bag to a deserted bus stop and proceeded to open it. His intention was to drink the entire bottle, but there was still a part of him that was a big brother to Sam. He would make sure the kid got wherever the hell he wanted to go, then he would proceed to drink for the next month.

But for right now a few drinks wouldn’t hurt. And it might, just might, make him able to function. The thought of Sam leaving, never to be seen again took a part of Dean that he didn’t even realize he had left. He’d been so angry at Sam, and Cas was right. Since he’d found Sam at the cabin he’d done nothing but be pissed about Sam leaving him in Purgatory. He did, if Dean was honest about it, but if he wanted things to work out with his younger brother, he should have kept his mouth shut.

Part of him really wasn’t sure he even wanted that in the first place. Sam had been halfway out the door, that much was true. He’d repeatedly told Dean he didn’t want to hunt. That he wanted out. The older Winchester had just been so sure that once they were on the road again his brother would change his mind. But that hadn’t happened. Instead the fights had gotten more intense, the words more hurtful. That fucking vengeful spector hadn’t helped. Telling Sam that he had a ‘new and improved’ brother was not going to make him change his mind. If anything, that alone had clinched the deal that Sam was going to leave. Even a whipped puppy got to the point he’d had enough.

It briefly went through his mind that catching him in bed with Benny had been the clincher on their relationship, but it wasn’t. Their relationship had been over long before that point. Benny was just the first step for Dean to begin realizing it and living with it.

He wasn’t sure how long he’d been sitting there when his phone rang in his pocket. Reaching for it, he saw Cas’s ID on the screen and almost let it go to voicemail. He just wasn’t up to the cryptic advice the angel insisted on giving him regarding Sam.

“Yeah.”

“Kali is here. We are getting ready to leave.”

Dean stood up. “What? I told Sam to go home. Why-“ He cut himself  off. Of course Sam would still go through with this. Penance and all that bullshit. Why was it that he’d do penance for everyone but his brother?

But the truth was that was not was Dean wanted. He really wanted Sam to be happy. But everything in him wished he could be the one to make him happy.

“Dean?” Cas’s voice brought Dean back to the conversation.

“Yeah. I’m here.”

“Do you wish to come with us?”

“You think I’m leaving him alone to that bitch to do God knows what to him? Let me grab Benny and we’ll be there.”

By the time Dean reached Sam’s motel room, his brother’s bag was packed and they were all waiting for him and the vampire.

“Let’s go.” It didn’t escape Dean that Sam’s eyes were everywhere but meeting his. So he squared his shoulders and turned to Kali. “Where are we going?”

“Not far. There is a spot within an hour’s drive in that thing out there.”

“Not a thing.” Sam’s voice had an edge to it. “Saved your ass, if I remember.”

Kali turned to him. It was obvious he annoyed her, but she needed him and they all knew it. “Fine. Let’s just go.”

Sliding behind the steering wheel, Dean felt the same surge of pride he always felt when Sam defended the Impala. But as happy as it made him, it also confused him. Why would Sam care about a car he’d probably never see again after this?

The pagan god was right. It was just over an hour when they were entering the old factory she had chosen for the ritual. Everything was in place, except Sam.

Moving to the circle, the hunter looked at Kali. “What do I need to do?”

Carefully she stepped into the circle with him. “You kneel right here. We’ll need to draw your blood to cover this circle. Then you sit and wait. I do the rest.”

He nodded, dropping his button up and drawing a knife. Quickly he pulled the knife across his forearm and held it over the circle Kali had indicated. It was a small circle and didn’t require much of his blood to cover it. After the pagan god nodded her approval, Sam moved back to kneel.

“Hang on.” Dean’s voice cut the silence.

Turning to his brother, he realized Dean was holding gauze and some tape. “Not letting you bleed out for her.” Quickly Dean approached and wrapped his arm. After he taped the gauze together, he gripped the bicep in front of him. “Are you sure about this?”

Responding to the soft tone of Dean’s voice, the younger man nodded. “Yeah. I’ll be fine.”

For a moment, Dean almost pulled the taller man in to hug him. But he didn’t. Hoping he didn’t regret not fighting harder against this, he stepped back to Benny and Cas.

Kali began to chant, her words a combination of pagan and Enochian. Sam picked up on a lot of it, but Cas was the only one who seemed to understand all of it. The ground began to shake and the windows blew in.

Even as the humans and the vampire moved to cover their heads, Cas shouted above the noise.

“Close your eyes! Now!”

Sam felt a surge of power resonate through the room. Even with his eyes closed, he could see the bright light of Gabriel’s true form. Something pushed at his mind and he strained to understand what was happening.

It sounded to Dean like the entire building was going to come down. The rumbling reached a level that forced him to put his hands over his ears. Then it was gone, and everything was silent. Even before the dust settled, Dean was up and looking towards his brother.

Sam was still on his knees, his back to the worried hunter. Slowly, his head lifted and tilted from side to side, as if Sam had developed a crick in his neck.  He appeared to be okay. Relieved, Dean took a step towards him.

Instantly, Cas’s arm came out and blocked Dean’s path. “I didn’t know. I am sorry.”

Relief gave way to panic. “You’re sorry? What didn’t you know?” Turning, Dean gripped the angel’s trenchcoat. “What the fuck didn’t you know?”

The angel’s eyes were on Sam. Turning, Dean’s heart literally stopped for a beat. As his brother slowly got to his feet, large black wings unfurled and spread from his back. He instantly knew what had happened to his brother.

 

 

Enochian Translations:  
 _Nostoah as ipamis homil- it was not true_  
 _Oiad as ipamis homil – he was not true_  
 _Ipamis emna – not here_


	6. The Lines Between Brotherhood and Blood 6

“You son of a bitch!” Pissed that it was Gabriel, but worried that it wasn’t, he approached Sam slowly.

When Sam turned, he smiled. “Dean! Good to see you!”

“Give him back, you bastard!” All hesitation gone, Dean ran to Sam and grabbed his shirt.

“Whoa, whoa, calm yourself. Liable to give yourself a stroke.”   

“He does this for you and you fucking take him?”

“Now, that’s where you’re wrong. I didn’t take anything. Sam agreed.”

“He what?”

“Hellooooo, archangel.” Gabriel rolled his eyes. “Even back from the dead we have rules. Sammy here had to say yes.” He shrugged. “It’s an individual angel thing. Just because he said the big yes to Luci didn’t mean it went for me, too.”

That was it. All Dean could take. His brother had agreed to be a vessel to Gabriel. The last words he’d thrown at him echoed in his mind and he felt all the fight in him leave. Shaking his head, the hunter slowly sank to his knees.

“Oh, drop the theatrics. I’ll give him back. Only needed him for a little while.”  

“Little while to you could be a hundred years.” Dean’s tone was flat, defeated.

“Nah. Not really comfy in here.” Sighing, Gabriel took Sam’s body and kneeled down to face Dean. “He’s screaming at me in here. Wants me to tell you he’s okay.”

“You’re wearing him. How can that be okay?” The lost look on the older brother’s face made the archangel sigh.

“I’m not gonna stick around in here. Just needed to borrow him ‘til I can get my own vessel.” Standing up, he looked down. “Okay, good thing I’m not afraid of heights.” He moved Sam’s arms around, flexing the muscle. “Kid is ripped.” He ran a hand over the chiseled stomach and chest. Taking a step back, he stumbled. “Freakin’ legs like a giraffe, though.” He got quiet for a moment, then laughed.

“Crowley calls him Giraffe?” Gabriel looked at Dean, who stood and stared at the angel wearing his brother.

“I’m not hurting him. He’ll be fine.”  

“There is NOTHING fine about this.” Dean turned back to Cas. “You didn’t know this was coming?”

“No. I did not know.” The look on Dean’s face told the angel he wasn’t sure he believed him. “Gabriel will not hurt Sam. He is not Lucifer.”

“Yeah, since you’ve never done anything to hurt Sam before.” Dean sighed, turning back to Gabriel.

“I’ll give him back. Safe and sound.” He got quiet and his smile faded. “I’m assuming that since you’re all here, you managed to shove my brother back in the cage?”

No one knew what to say to him. It didn’t matter, because the archangel stared right through them as if he didn’t see them. “Come on, Sam. Don’t pull back now. What happened?”

Everyone could see the moment the archangel found out what had happened. “Wow. You had to do it? Wasn’t sure you could pull it off with Lucifer, and you managed to take both of them.” Gabriel turned to Cas. “He’s not saying it, but you didn’t do him any favors, Cas. Our big brothers really fucked this kid up.” He shrugged. “So did his, but that’s beside the point.”

“Stop digging around in his head.” Dean knew Sam wouldn’t want Gabriel to access his memories, much less broadcast them for everyone in the room. “Get out of him.”

“I will.” Gabriel turned to the hunter. “I’ll give him back safe and sound.  And not anymore fucked up then he was when I got him.” He laughed. “Not that I’m sure that would even be possi-“ Gabriel saw Kali, and it stopped him mid-sentence.

“Gabriel.” The pagan god stared at him with an expression that betrayed how nervous she was.

“Kali?” Moving quickly to her, he stared into her eyes. “You did this.”

Nodding, she reached for him.

“Why?” He took her hands.

“Because I realized what you meant to me.” Her whispered reply seemed to echo in the destroyed factory.  “I missed you.” Kali’s soft words hit the archangel as if she’d screamed them.

“Missed ya right back.” He looked around. “I can’t believe you did this! How did you get my favorite jokers to go for this?”

“Absolution,” was the only answer she had.

“My brother’s an idiot.” Dean’s reply was much louder the Kali’s and Gabriel nodded.

“Well, I knew that. You Winchesters have a permanent spot in the Darwin awards.” But he couldn’t take his eyes off of the pagan god in front of him. “You did this for me.” His voice was unnaturally quiet and the realization obviously surprised him. 

When Kali nodded, he moved closer. Sam’s arms reached around her. Even as the archangel and the pagan god began to kiss, Dean tried to remind himself that this wasn’t his brother. It wasn’t Sam holding the woman in front of him like she was the most precious thing he’d ever held. Turning away, Dean stared at the wall, wondering what the hell he could do to fix this.

Breaking the kiss, Gabriel stood back. “I’m sorry. I’m really, really sorry. But I promised Sammy in here that I wouldn’t do anything he didn’t want me to. And since the only one he wants is big brother over there,” the angel swung Sam’s arm in Dean’s general direction, “he’s getting a little pissed off at me.” He shot Dean a leering glance. “Tre´s kinky, by the way.”

The revelation stunned Dean, and he moved closer. For a moment he almost didn’t believe what Gabriel had said. That Sam wanted him. It still didn’t make sense to the hunter and he refused to allow the archangel to raise his hopes.

Laughing softly, Gabriel leered at Kali. “But believe me, first chance we get? Tahiti? Acapulco? Some deserted beach with an endless amount of depraved acts involved?”

Even as Kali nodded, Gabriel shook his head. “Okay, okay. Jeez, you’d think I’d gotten right to the good part with the crowd all here.” He turned and started to walk away, but shifted a bit. With what could almost be called an evil smirk, he adjusted his jeans. “Damn, Sammy, big all over, huh. How do you walk with this thing.”

Wincing a bit, he put his hand to his head. “Okay! I’ll stop.”  

Unwilling to let go of the archangel, no matter who he was wearing at the moment, Kali reached for his hand. “Sam gets embarrassed.”

“Embarrassed isn’t the word. The things he’s threatening to do to me?” He shook his head. “Let’s just say you’d have to start all over again.”

“So stop teasing the boy and let’s work on giving him back.” Kali squeezed his hand. “What do we need to do?”

“We need to get you the hell out of my brother.” Dean’s voice was low, his tone almost a growl. He’d actually forgotten how it felt to see Sam threatened, and the big brother in him didn’t like it. It felt good to realize how much he still wanted to step in and protect Sam.

“First thing on the list, Dean. I swear.” Gabriel held his hand up with two fingers extended. “Scout’s honor.”

“Like you were ever a scout.” Gabriel’s attitude wasn’t improving Dean’s mood.

“Got me. Wore one once, but the meeting was boring.” Gabriel smiled. “I’m going to go get my vessel. I like it better. More compact, easier to move.” He looked down. “And I don’t get vertigo every time I look down at my feet. Not that I’d call those things feet. Maybe skis?” Sam’s arm moved up to smack himself in the side of the head. It actually surprised the archangel. “Wow. Kiddo’s still got some mojo.”

“Goddammit, Gabriel!” Everything that had been going on with Sam finally caught up with Dean. “Sam held up his end. You’re back. He agreed to let you hitch a ride until you had your own meatsuit. Now tell me when you’re gonna give me back my brother!”

“Soon. Very soon, I promise.” It was either Dean’s outburst or Sam’s anger, but Gabriel quieted down and turned back to Kali. “Let me go get this done, so the adults can have a private party.”

“You know where to find me.” She was gone.

Cas moved to stand in front of Dean. “Take Benny and go back to the motel. I will go with Gabriel and look out for Sam.”

For a moment, Dean almost argued. It should be him looking out for his little brother. Not an angel who damn near killed said little brother and another angel who got their kicks killing him over and over. But he realized that if the angels decided to disappear, there was no way he’d be able to find them. Taking a deep breath, he looked at Cas. “Whatever is going on with you and Sam, it looks like you’ve really been trying to help him.”

“I have.”

“He trusts you.” The emphasis was on the word ‘he’ so Cas would understand that Dean wasn’t sure he shared those feelings. “Don’t you dare think of letting him down now. You. Fucking. Watch. His. Back.”

Getting the message, Cas nodded. “I will not let Gabriel hurt him.”

Without another word, both angels disappeared.

 

Benny watched Dean pace for a while. He’d never seen the hunter this upset, even in Purgatory. The first time he tried to talk to the hunter all he got in response was a glare. Waiting another thirty minutes, he tried again.

“Dean.”

“What?”

“There’s nothing else we can do here. Let’s go back to the hotel and wait for Sam to come back.”

“You really think it’s going to be that simple?”

“I don’t know what else we can do. We can’t follow the angels. And Cas seems to really want to watch out for him-“

“Not his job to watch out for Sam! It’s mine!” Dean picked up a piece of rubble and threw it. “Son of a bitch!” 

Knowing what needed to be done, Benny moved slowly towards Dean. “Give me the keys. We’re going back to the hotel and when Sam gets back, I’m taking off.” Before Dean could say a word, the vampire continued. “Gabriel just told you that Sam wants you. The two of you will never work out anything if we’re sharing a bed.”

“Not sure that will do it.”

“Won’t know either way if I’m around.”

Nodding, Dean headed out to the car. He was still afraid of getting his hopes up. Even if it was the truth that Sam wanted him, it probably wouldn’t solve all their problems. Like the big one that Sam was no longer going to be hunting. Especially if that was part of his deal. And what about Amelia? Where did she fit in?

With no idea how long Gabriel was going to keep Sam or what condition he’d be in when he did come back, Dean knew Benny was right. Whatever happened or didn’t happen between them, his first priority was dealing with the effect being Gabriel’s vessel had on Sam.

 

  The next day Dean was still pacing around the hotel room. Benny had gone for food and beer, but the hunter had only picked at his. The only thing he wanted was Sam. Part of him believed that Gabriel didn’t mean to harm him, but the rest of him remembered very vividly what every other angel had done to one or both of them at some point. Even without trying, Gabriel could return Sam to him a drooling vegetable. Over the last twenty-four hours Dean hadn’t said more than ten words to the vampire. Fortunately, his friend had understood and kept the interaction to a minimum. The Winchester also tried Cas’s cell phone probably a hundred times, only to end up yelling at the voicemail.

He wanted to go drive, but he was afraid Sam would come back while he was gone, and, as tenuous as their relationship was at that point, the last thing he wanted was for his brother to return to only Benny to keep him company until Dean got back. He got the feeling that everything was riding on whatever happened when Gabriel decided to bring Sam home.

Home. That’s how Dean felt. It physically hurt to think that Sam thought of a house in Kermit as home now. But if that’s what his little brother really wanted to do with his life, Dean had already decided that’s what he’d make happen. A part of him still felt the surge of hope at Gabriel’s words that Sam wanted him. Until he remembered what had happened every other time in his life that he’d had any hope for anything good.

He was about to dial Cas’s cell again when the angel appeared in the room holding Sam. Quickly he placed the unconscious hunter gently on the bed and turned to Dean.

“It is done. Gabriel is back in his own vessel.”

“What’s wrong with Sammy?”

“Nothing. He is sleeping. The energy required is draining. During his time as a vessel for Lucifer, he had the demon blood providing the energy he needed. He will most likely sleep through the night. But he should be fine.”

“Should be.” Dean stared at the angel. “Not making me feel good here, Cas.” But he moved to sit beside his brother and check him over. When he felt for Sam’s pulse, the younger Winchester stirred. Until Dean pushed his hair back off his face. The gentle touch had the desired effect. Sam stopped moving and his breaths evened out again.

Satisfied that Sam was, as Cas said, only sleeping, Dean turned to the angel. “So Gabriel is back, and he and Kali are off to the tropics, I guess?”

“I know Gabriel went to find Kali. Where they went from there I do not know.” Cas studied Dean’s expression for a moment. “Gabriel did as he said. As soon as he was able to enter his own vessel, he released Sam. I was with them the entire time. He did not….. overpower Sam.”

“I don’t even know what the fuck that means.”

“It means that this was not like any of the other times Sam has been possessed or used as a vessel. The fight to maintain control over the physical body is not pleasant. Most of the time the human being possessed or used has no control and is……” Cas was unable to form what he was thinking. “I am in Jimmy’s vessel. I have no communication with Jimmy. He has no power to move this body or any conscious thought of what I am doing. With a demonic possession, the victim is allowed to see what their form is doing if it will cause maximum pain. With Lucifer, you said that you saw the moment Sam took his body back under his own control.”

Dean’s mind was racing. He’d never once asked Sam what it was like, even back when he’d been possessed by Meg and forced to commit murder. He’d never even really tried to understand what Sam had gone through. On an intellectual level, he understood what happened, but not once did he stop to consider how it had actually felt to his brother. As far as he was concerned, everything that had happened from Steve Wandell being murdered to him getting shot, it wasn’t Sam. That was the end of it for him. He knew Sam had felt guilty, even though he’d had no control. But the one thing he’d never done was actually ask his brother what it was like.

How many times had Sam asked Dean about hell and tried to help him? Sam had tried to understand what Dean had gone through until Dean had threatened to punch him if he asked again. Jimmy had told them that being the vessel of an angel was like being strapped to a meteor. And Cas was not an archangel.

“So this wasn’t like the other times when he was possessed by Meg or let Lucifer in?”

“No. Sam had no real physical control, but he was in constant communication with Gabriel.”

“How about when Sammy smacked him?”

“That was unexpected. Sam has a very strong will. And he does retain power.”

“What?”

The angel stared at him quietly for a moment. Finally he apparently decided to tell Dean like it was a big secret. “Dean, just because your brother chooses to not call upon the power given to him by demons anymore, does not mean that he does not still have that power.”

The hunter felt like the rug had just been yanked out from under him. “I thought that was over- he doesn’t drink demon blood anymore.”

“The demon blood only amplified the power. That doesn’t say that he would be unable to use them even without drinking the blood. He chooses to not use them.” Cas reconsidered his words. “Sam might not even consciously be not using them anymore. He made the choice to turn from them.”

“But he did use them against Gabriel?”

Starting that hunter, the angel tried to figure out if he had just made a big mistake in telling Dean so much about his brother. “An archangel was using him as a vessel. The instinct to fight him would be strong for anyone.” Desperate to make the hunter understand, Cas moved closer and stared intently at him. “Dean, it took me a long time to figure it out, but part of Sam’s fall to Ruby were the suspicions and doubt that Uriel and I planted in your mind where Sam was concerned. I judged him, condemned him, and coerced you into doing the same. Do not judge your brother based on what I have just told you.”

“I’m not judging him, Cas! Jesus, I just want to help him. He just let another archangel wear him to the prom, and he got put in a corner so he had to use whatever psychic mojo he’s got to fight it. I just need to know what I’m looking at when he wakes up. What I need to do to make it better.”

“I cannot help you with that. I have never understood how you know what to do to help your brother.” Gripping his arm, Cas stared at him. “Just that you always have.”

 

It was several hours later when Benny returned with the soup and other supplies that Dean had requested for Sam. Watching Dean organize the items off his list, the vampire reached for his bag. “I’m outta here, brother. You’ve got my number.”

Dean walked him out to his truck, but he was antsy to get back inside. Benny knew it and they shared a quick hug before he drove off.

The rest of the night was fitful for Dean. He sat on the bed, his back against the headboard, watching his brother sleep. Sam had moved closer to him when the bed moved, as if he knew that his brother was near. It made the older Winchester feel better that, even now, if only in his sleep, Sam reached out for him. If Sam was still for a length of time that made Dean nervous, he would reach out and gently touch the soft hair at Sam’s forehead. Immediately, Sam would turn his head towards the touch and settle back down immediately.

The later it got, the farther down Dean kept sliding. By three he was snoring peacefully next to his brother.

His dream started out a normal dream, by Dean’s standards. Something with really hot women and muscle cars. But before he could really get involved in it someone tapped him on the shoulder.

“Fucking angels.” Dean snarled at Gabriel, now in his familiar vessel. “You going to start dreamwalking me now?”

“One time thing.” The angel smirked. “Figured I owe’d the kid one. I spent some time bouncing around in his head, remember? And I didn’t make him any promises.”

“What does that mean?”

“It means that the kid has some pretty major issues.”

“You mean, the kind that come with being a fucking vessel for an archangel?” Dean was sick and tired of other people telling him how messed up his brother was.

“Exactly! No, I mean, not me, but yeah.” Gabriel stepped closer. “But his biggest issue? Y.O.U. bucko.”

“I’m trying to fix that, so thanks, but no thanks.”

A sharp slap resonated on the back of Dean’s head. He wasn’t even sure how the archangel managed to reach him, but it stung.

“Yeah. Sending him away. That’s gonna work.” If sarcasm could literally drip, the floor would have been covered.

“He told you that?”

“He didn’t TELL me anything. What part about all-access pass don’t you get? I was in his head.” The archangel waved his hand. “Shut up. Just shut up. Got something to show you.”

Everything went dark for a moment, but even after it cleared, Dean could see it was obviously night. Several large flashlights gave enough illumination to see what was happening.

The scene moved closer, shifting into focus, and Dean realized that the man standing in front of him barely resembled the younger brother he’d known.

His hair was long, longer then Dean had ever seen it, falling at least a couple inches below his shoulders. A full beard that hid his face completely came into view when he finally lifted his head and moved across the room.

A figure was on a table, tied down, and had obviously been there a while. Sam approached the table holding Ruby’s knife and glared at the body on the table. “Last chance.”

“I’ve told you! I haven’t seen him! Haven’t heard anything about him!” The devils’ trap under the table left no doubt the figure was a demon. There was so much blood, it had run off the table to pool underneath.

His face showing no emotion, Sam lifted the knife. Starting at the neck, just under the throat, he sliced. It was a straight line down the center of the torso. The cut was made carefully, causing pain but not death. He knew exactly what he was doing.

Dean’s stomach turned. He recognized that cut. Allistair’s knife had caused them enough on his own body before he had turned around and repeated the action on others to save himself.

“Evisceration is a skill. You know that, right? You have to cut just right to get the organs out while the heart keeps beating. Not as easy up here as it is in hell. In hell they just keep your heart beating even after they take it out.”

The demon was screaming. Continuing his calm monologue, Sam ignored it. After slicing the body neatly down the center, he stopped again.

“Anything new to tell me?”

“You fucker! I told you I don’t know!”

When Sam began to remove the internal organs, the demon’s shrieks rose to new levels. Swiftly cutting them out with the knife, he waited another moment before getting to the lungs. Then he sighed. “You don’t know shit.”

Sam stabbed the exposed heart. The demon was quiet now. Dead. Sam wiped the knife on his already blood drenched shirt and sighed. He glanced to the side of the large room towards a small stack of about eight other bodies.

“Sammy?” Dean’s voice was strained with emotion. “Sammy did that to all of them?”

“You were Allistair’s star pupil, Dean, but who do you think taught him?” Gabriel’s voice was uncharacteristically low.

Tears came to the hunter’s eyes and he nodded.

“My big brother was the best. Have to say he taught your little brother well.” Moving away from Dean, the archangel walked slowly around the table and Sam. “You got the offer. Get off the rack. Save yourself. Sam never got that offer.”

Dean would have thrown himself back in the pit that second if he could erase what had happened to Sam. He would have gladly volunteered to be on the rack himself for eternity if Sam would have never had to have been Lucifer’s playtoy.  

“Can’t change the past, kiddo. Can’t erase all that from Sam’s mind anymore then you can change what’s about to happen here.”

Before Dean could reply, Sam started moving again.

Sam untied the bonds holding the body and folded it back on itself so it would be easier to lift. As he reached under it, another figure appeared.

“How long did you think I’d let you go on like this?”

Turning to Crowley, the hunter shrugged. “Until you showed up.”

“Could have summoned me, you know. Didn’t have to leave your calling card all over the fucking place.”

Again, Sam shrugged. “Had to make sure you knew I was serious.”

“Causing me a bloody nightmare, you know. I’m getting request after request to protect demons from you.” The King of Hell took a long look around. “You’ve really broken the leash this time, haven’t you, Moose? Back to your old habits?”

“You’re still alive aren’t you?” Before the demon could answer, Sam met his eyes evenly. “I’m off the rails, Crowley, not the wagon. Not until I’m sure.”

“What does that mean? Not until you’re sure.”

“Where is Dean?”

“Disappeared when he used that weapon on Dick, don’t you remember? Blaze of glory ending if I ever saw one.”

Moving closer, the hunter used his full height to stare down at the demon. “I want him back. And I don’t care what I have to do to you.”

“Don’t you threaten me, you fucking imbecile. I’m the bloody King of Hell! Do you know what I’ll do to  you?”

“You’re only the King of Hell because **I** cleared your path to the throne, and don’t you forget that. I turned my back on the throne when it was handed to me by Azazel. I tore Allistair to shreds. I killed Lillith, and I put Lucifer back in his goddammed cage.” His voice dropped and the tone was nothing but anger and hatred. “Do you really think I’d have a problem with you?” Sam gave everything he’d said a few seconds to sink in. “Now, where. Is. My. Brother?”

“I don’t have him!” Crowely recovered quickly and advanced on the hunter. “I have enough problems in hell. The last fucking thing I need is another Winchester down there. Nothing but headaches. Both of you. Not fucking worth it.”

“Then where is he?”

“He disappeared. You were there. Your precious brother did not go to hell. That’s all I know.”

“You’d better be telling me the truth, Crowley. I will find out. And if I find out you lied?” He tossed the knife aside. “I won’t need this. I will tear hell apart right down to the fucking cage if I have to.”

Realization crossed Crowley’s face. “You’d open the fucking cage, wouldn’t you.”

“If it meant having Dean back? What do you think?”

“I think getting fucked by Lucifer rattled the few ounces of common sense you ever had.”

Sam smiled, but it was more chilling than anything else. It was not the kind of smile that belonged on a human. “I think Lucifer would give me anything I wanted to figure out how to pop the lock again. Including Dean.”

“You’re bluffing. Even someone with your anger management issues wouldn’t destroy the bloody world just to get back his brother turned lover.”

“I find out you’re lying and you won’t live long enough to find out. Don’t test me, Crowley. There’s more than enough blood right here for me to take you out.”

“So why haven’t you done it? Go on, drink up, Moose!”

“Because I have no interest in your throne. I have no interest in opening the cage.” Sam’s tone dropped to strained whisper. “All I want is my brother.”

“He’s not in hell.” The demon’s patience was wearing thin. “Don’t have him. Don’t want him. Either of you. I’d kill you right now if it didn’t mean I’d be stuck with your gigantic ass full of anger.”

“So where is he?”

“He’s in Heaven. Does that make you happy?”

That stopped Sam. “Dean’s in heaven?”

Crowley’s tone sounded more like he was speaking to an ignorant child. “That would make sense. He’s not in hell, Purgatory can’t take humans, so that leaves heaven. You gonna go blow open the pearly gates? I’d like to see that one.” Moving closer, the demon actually smiled. “He’s in paradise. Forty virgins-or that might be copies of you-whatever gets him off. Bacon cheeseburgers, and 1967 rusted-out rat traps he calls muscle cars. You really going to be the one to drag him back down here? Just to keep  your crazy ass on the rails?”

“Dean’s in heaven?” That was one outcome the hunter had never considered. “You’re full of shit.”

“If you’d use that brain of yours for something useful, you’d have already figured it out. I don’t have big brother. Nobody I know has him. That only leaves one final destination.” Now Crowley smiled. “I’ll even make a deal on it.”

“A deal? What kind of deal?”

“The binding kind. Dean’s not in hell. To the best of my knowledge, he’s on the other side of those gates upstairs.” Now Crowley had the upper hand, and he knew it. “You, Gigantor, give it up. Stay away from my demons. And when your time is up, you get to go have incestuous sex for all eternity. Unless, of course, you kill yourself, so get that thought right out of your head. You do that, I’m stuck with you.” He shrugged. “That way you know I’m telling the truth. And I get to watch you suffer, which is always a win for me.”

Without hesitation, Sam nodded. “But I have a few addendums of my own.”

“I’m listening.”

“I won’t actively hunt demons. But if they come after me, they’re fair game.”

“Fair enough. I will put a ‘do not bring that stray home’ order on you, but some demons aren’t known for following orders.”

“If Dean does come back, he is off limits as well.”

“Long as he doesn’t hunt demons-“

“I’m not stupid, Crowley. I know as well as you do that I can’t make a deal on Dean’s behalf. I can include him in mine, but I can’t speak for him.”

It was all too much for Dean to process. Sam was literally completely off the deep end without him. Gabriel removed everything but himself. “The rest is pretty boring. Legalese mumbo jumbo and a kiss was all she wrote.”

Watching Dean’s reaction carefully, the angel debated on what else to tell him. “You know, for the record, the stunt at Mrs. Tran’s house was close to a violation of the deal.”

The hunter’s mind was still on the way his brother had eviscerated God only knew how many demons, and the fact that he was willing to break open hell to get him back. “All this time I thought he just gave up and walked away.”

“That’s the problem with you two chuckleheads. You assume what the other is thinking or doing instead of telling each other.” Gabriel sighed. “I’d much rather be back on the beach with Kali. You wouldn’t believe what that woman can do with-“

“TMI!” Dean really didn’t want to know what an archangel and a pagan god got up to when no one was looking.

“But, even though I did what I could for Sam, the rest is up to you.”

“What does that mean?”

“It means, bucko, that your kid brother is hanging out in crazy town these days. His head?” Gabriel dramatically shivered. “Complete venture into Vanilla Sky, let me tell you.” The area around them changed again, and the angel stared at Dean. “Time’s almost up. One more thing and I’m gone.”

The scene shifted and Dean found himself in a bar.

The place was a dive even by their standards. He looked around the room, knowing before he saw him right where his brother would be.

Sure enough, Sam was in the back at the pool table. Even as his opponent handed him a small stack of bills, the taller man nodded and moved to the bar. Sitting on one of the stools, he murmured a soft thanks to the bartender when she placed a cheeseburger and a beer in front of him. Dean watched his little brother’s familiar habit of picking apart food more than eating it. And the kid definitely needed to be eating more than playing with his food. His usual layers hid most of his body, but Dean could see the long jutting lines of his collarbone literally holding up the skin just above his tee. There was no sign of the sheer muscle that had made up T1000’s body. Underfed, malnourished, and circles under his eyes that screamed no sleep in a very long time was what Dean saw when he looked at his brother now.

Sam sat quietly for a short time, still picking and not eating. His shoulders were hunched, the large man’s standard posture that told Dean he was trying to appear as small as he could in order to avoid attention.

Before Dean could ask Gabriel what he had in mind, Sam stood. Throwing a bill on the bar, he made his way outside. When he reached the Impala, he stood behind it for a moment before opening the trunk.

When he saw what his little brother brought out of the trunk, his breath literally stopped. The shock of seeing his jacket, the leather one that his father had passed down to him, being unfolded in Sam’s hands froze him where he was standing. Dean had left the jacket at Bobby’s and guessed it had burned with the house. But they’d never gone back to find out.

His throat tightened even more and he could barely whisper to the archangel. “Where is he?”

“Day outside Sioux Falls.” Gabriel gave the hunter a moment to process the information. The thought of his brother sifting through what was left of the house alone brought tears to his eyes that he refused to allow to fall.

But then Sam slid his arms into the jacket and pulled it around his frame. He’d lost so much weight that the jacket nearly fit him. Literally dropping into the drivers’ seat, the hunter wrapped it even tighter around his body. The sheer misery radiating off the man in the car when he leaned his head against the steering wheel was it for Dean.

A few tears slid unchecked down his face and he whispered his brother’s name.

Finally the engine roared to life and he pulled out of the parking lot.

“I’ve seen enough.” No matter how hard Dean tried to stop it, his voice cracked.

“Maybe.” The angel studied Dean for a moment before shaking his head. “Nah.” He tapped his own head. “I was in his head, remember? Benny- a vampire- is a better brother then he’s ever been? Sound familiar?”

It truly was fuzzy in the Winchester’s memory, but the angel continued.

“It’s on a constant rewind in his head. Mixed in with where you pulled a gun on him because his soul got left in the cage to be ripped apart.” Gabriel stepped closer, and Dean saw actual anger in his eyes.

Before Dean could reply, the scene shifted again. He was standing on the side of a road. At first it was deserted, but soon a pair of headlights approached.

The Impala got closer before suddenly actually spinning out into the dirt.

The door opened and Sam fell out of the car and crawled along the ground beside it.

Worried, Dean approached his brother and kneeled beside him. Sam tugged absently on the jacket and leaned against the rear quarter panel. He was talking, but it was so low Dean strained to hear it. When he realized he couldn’t  understand the words, he turned to Gabriel.

“Enochian.” Gabriel’s expression was too smug for the hunter.

“What the fuck is he saying?”

“Esiach is brother, adse is love. And, if I’m not mistaken,” The angel’s tone got sarcastic. “Dean is you, bucko.” Gabriel poked him in the chest hard enough to make him wince. “But that can’t be, ‘cause he didn’t miss you, right?”

Unable to answer, Dean turned back to his brother. Still whispering, Sam’s entire body was trembling. But it was the blank stare in his eyes that scared Dean. It was a flashback to when Sam was lost in his head with Lucifer.

“He’s alive and functioning. Sort of.” Gabriel’s voice grew soft. “And you have that dog and woman you hate so much to thank for that.”

Opening his eyes, Dean sat up on the bed. For a long time he sat still, watching his little brother’s chest rise and fall as he slept.      


	7. The Lines Between Brotherhood and Blood 7

It was almost daybreak before Sam actually started to stir on his own. Anxiously, Dean waited for him to wake. He knew from years of watching his younger brother sleep that it wouldn’t be long.

He was right. A little while later, hazel eyes opened to stare blankly at him for a few seconds.

“Sammy?”

“Yeah.” He sat up and looked around the room.

“What’s the last thing you remember?”

“How much it fucking hurt when Gabriel moved out of me.”

“Cas said you were fine.”

“I think I am.” Sam shrugged.

Desperately wanting to reach out and touch his brother, Dean held back. Until he knew more about what was going through Sam’s head he was afraid to.

The taller man stood and reached for the wall to steady himself.

“You okay?” Dean was instantly at his side.

“Yeah; just feel like I’ve slept for a week.” He disappeared into the bathroom.

By the time the younger Winchester returned he looked a lot more human. “Where’s Benny?”

“He took off yesterday.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Why are you sorry? He had things to do.”

“Because you could be with him doing whatever you wanted. Instead you end up babysitting me. Again.”

“Stop. You’ve only been here since yesterday afternoon-“

“Right when Benny left, right?”

“Sam, I don’t care Benny left, okay? You have no idea what it did to me when those fucking wings shoved their way out of your back.” His eyes dropped along with his voice. “I thought you were gone again. For good.”

“I’m okay. Sorry I scared you.”

“Scared me?” Dean’s default emotion took over. “You’re sorry you scared me? You’re sorry you-“ The look on his brother’s face stopped him. The kid looked every bit the whipped puppy that had just had one too many beatings. “Look, I don’t do scared well when it comes to you. It pisses me off, and you know it.”

Nodding, Sam stared down at his own clasped hands in his lap.

Recognizing the act for what it was, Sam shutting down, Dean decided he’d had enough of it. Sitting next to his brother, Dean took a deep breath. “I’m trying here, Sammy. You gotta give me something to work with.”

After a long pause that almost had Dean giving up on Sam ever speaking, the younger man’s voice was low. “I could feel it.” Sam’s eyes tracked around the room, obviously trying to find the words to explain. “He was there, but it was like…… the power I could feel… it was… like frayed, or fraying at the edges. He couldn’t keep it together yet. Not without a vessel that could hold him. The vessel of an archangel.” Hazel eyes raised and stared into Dean’s. “That left you or me, and you’ve never been through that before. No way in hell you were gonna now.”

It was the first time Dean realized that Sam had seen it as a one or the other of them deal. Sam had, once again, taken the fall, so to speak, to protect him. Before he could react, his brother continued.

“I could hear him. He told me he needed to get to his vessel, that he couldn’t let me drive but he’d let me direct.”

“So you said yes.”

“I said yes.” Large shoulders shrugged.

Another deep breath, and Dean decided it was time to really talk to his brother. “What was it like?”

A look of surprise crossed Sam’s face.

“I know I’ve never asked before, but…..”

“It’s hard to explain. This was different from Meg or Lucifer. Gabriel wasn’t just using me, maybe. He asked me for help and he didn’t want to hurt me.” He laughed softly. “Not that it was a good time. Being a vessel isn’t on my top ten list of things to do again. But it wasn’t the whole burning pain or blackout shit all over again.”

Another pang of guilt at not knowing what his brother had gone through went through Dean.  “I know I never asked before, and I should have-“

“It’s okay.”

“Will you stop saying it’s okay, or you’re fine, or you’re okay, or the one that’s really pissing me off, you’re sorry?” Dean’s voice rose, and the way Sam literally shrank away from him made him stop. “I just… “ Taking a deep breath, the older hunter stared at his brother. “I think it’s time we tried something different. “

“Like?” Sam was almost afraid of the answer he was going to get, but he owed it to Dean to hear him out.

“Like a conversation. A real one. The kind you USED to like to have.”

“Okay.” Still leery of what Dean had in mind, he waited for some sort of signal as to what his brother wanted from him.

“Do you know where Gabriel and Kali are?” Start with a safe topic and move on.

Sam shook his head.

“I’d love to get my hands on that bitch. It was another fucking set up. Kali needed-“

“Kali didn’t know.”

“What do you mean she didn’t know? Pagan god, remember? She’s trying to bring back an archangel that-“

“Dean, listen. Gabriel doesn’t think she knew what was happening, and I think he’s right. You said it, pagan god. This was the third time she’d tried. If she knew that I was the one that could help her pull it off? My ass would have been in that circle the first time. Not like she couldn’t have found me. Especially…” His voice trailed off, “…when I was in Kermit. I wasn’t hiding from anything. Had a job, rented a house, the works. And she would have had Gabriel’s vessel there.”  

“So this whole ‘I need to borrow you’ was, what, just an ‘oops’?”

“I think so. Gabriel should have been able to get his own vessel, but he wasn’t strong enough when he first came back.  He needed my help to get there.” 

The room grew silent again. Dean stared at the wall for a moment, wondering when they had become such strangers that all they seemed to be able to manage was awkward silence between them. “It never used to be this hard.”

“What?”

“Talking. To each other. Communication was never high on our lists of accomplishments, but Jesus, Sammy, we used to be able to at least have a conversation.”

The younger man mumbled something, but Dean didn’t hear him. “What?”

With a look on his face that told Dean he was surprised he spoke out loud, Sam sighed. “I never know what will set you off anymore. I let you down and you’re pissed. I get that.”

“I didn’t get it, okay?”

“What?”

He’d had no intention of telling Sam what Gabriel had showed him, but the time for secret keeping was over between them. “I didn’t get it. I had no idea what….” He sighed again. “Gabriel showed  me.”

“What?” A look of panic crossed Sam’s face. “What did he show you?”

“How bad it was here for you.” His voice was quiet.

Terrified that whatever Dean saw would make him leave Sam right where he was sitting, the taller man dropped his eyes to his hands. His fingertips were digging into his thighs so hard they were white. “I didn’t know what to do.”

“So you went after Crowley? Not the smartest thing you’ve ever done, but I think I’ve been your biggest teacher in stupid Hail Mary’s.”

“Wasn’t stupid.” Now the hazel eyes flashed angrily. “If you’d been in hell, I would have never left you.”

“I know that, Sam. NOW I know that. I just….” Not really knowing what to say, Dean stared at his own hands. “I just wish you’d told me.”

“I should have told you? Yeah, that would have been a great conversation. I lost track of who I was on occasion, and where I was, but oh, by the way, I tortured a dozen demons to find out where you were, and I did it so well, Crowley came after me.” A huff that was almost a laugh escaped him. “I could guess how that conversation would have gone.”

“It would have gone better than most of the conversations we’ve had instead. Where I thought you didn’t give two shits where I was and ran off with a woman!” Standing, Dean began to pace. “Or better yet, the deal that I thought you made to get out of hunting. The deal to keep demons off your back so you could-“

“You really think I made a deal for myself?” Now Sam’s voice rose to match his brothers. “What the fuck did Gabriel show you?”

“He showed me the truth, Sam. Which is more then you’ve given me since you found me at the cabin!”

“I don’t know all of the truth, Dean. That what you want to hear? That I’ve lost days- literally days- of time since you disappeared? One  minute I’m standing somewhere talking to someone and the next I’m curled up in a corner with no fucking clue how I got there?” He felt himself getting angrier and it scared him.

This wasn’t what Dean wanted. He didn’t want Sam to spit out the truth in anger. He wanted his brother to talk to him and tell him what was going on. Before he could even form a plan to reach Sam, the younger man stopped yelling and gripped the chair. The look on his face scared Dean and he moved closer.

“Sammy?”

It wasn’t there. The white noise, the feeling of being out of control, none of it. He was angry, he was hurt by what he perceived to be Dean’s accusations, but that’s all he felt.

“Gabriel.” His voice was a whisper.

“What did he do to you?” The implied threat behind Dean’s question was obvious.

“I don’t know.”

“I knew he was full of shit! All his bullshit about not hurting you and-“ he realized Sam had said his name several times. “What?”

“He didn’t hurt me, Dean.” For the first time, Sam felt the stirrings of hope and he looked up. “I think he helped. Maybe. I mean, he did something, but it’s better.”

“What is?”

“All of it. I mean, I still remember.”

“Remember?”

Nodding confirmation, Sam continued. “The Cage. I still remember it, but it’s…. I don’t know.. faded, maybe? Like it was twenty years ago instead of three. I don’t feel like I’m about to lose control. I mean, I’m pissed, I’m hurt, but I don’t feel like I’m about to lose it again.”  He was so amazed in the feeling of still being in control he didn’t realize what he was saying to Dean.

“Lose it?” Dean knew there was more to what he wasn’t seeing. Benny had seen something, and Cas obviously knew something. It was time to find out what exactly had been going on with his little brother. “Talk to me, Sam. Don’t shut down on me this time. Cas said-“

“Cas?” For a moment, Sam simply stared at his brother. “He said he wouldn’t tell you, but I had a feeling-“

Reaching out in desperation, Dean gripped the broad shoulder in front of him. “Cas didn’t tell me shit, Sam. I want you to tell me.” His other hand gripped the back of Sam’s neck. “If we’re ever gonna figure this out, you need to tell me.”

When Sam pulled away gently, Dean let him go, but he pulled a chair up so their knees were almost touching.

“I’ve lost it a couple of times in the last few days. I can’t explain it. I just know when it’s coming and I can’t stop it. It’s like this white noise starts in the back of my head when I’m pissed or hurt or depressed, or just about anytime I lose control over what’s going through my mind. One second I’m talking to the guy in the office at the motel, the next I’m curled up against some fucking 7-Eleven and Cas is trying to get me to figure out who the fuck I am. I think he winged me back to the motel, and that was the last thing I remember for a while.”

“When did that happen?!” Shaking his head, Dean fought the urge to stand up and pace around the room. “Christ, Sam, we went on a fucking hunt! What if you’d lost it while we were out there?” He stopped and stared at his brother. “Or did you? Is that what happened? Why that fucking thing gave us such a hard time?”

“What? NO!” Sighing, Sam stared at the other man sadly. “Okay, yeah, when I was removing the heart, I might have spaced a little.”

Dean realized that was what Benny saw, but he stayed quiet and allowed his brother to continue.

“Most of the time, I could keep myself under control. It was just when I got really emotional over anything. I….. I couldn’t…. if I let myself feel, it….” Frustrated, Sam ran his hands through his hair and stared at the ceiling. “Believe me, when I lost control you’d know it. I end up curled up in a corner speaking Enochian.”

“So when did this happen?” Dean stared at him.

“The last time was a couple days ago.”

Sam’s non-committal answer, along with the way he refused to look back at Dean told the older brother all he needed to know. Seemed he really hadn’t lost the ability to read the kid. “After you walked in on me and Benny.”  He knew exactly why his brother had lost it and  why.

Another shrug, but Sam remained silent.

“And it happened again after that?”

This time, large hands covered his face and he leaned his elbows on his knees. “After you told me to leave.” His voice was soft, betraying to Dean how much he’d hurt his brother by just trying to give him what Dean thought he wanted.

_You would be wise to remember the last time you turned your brother away he nearly ended the world_

In his own, inept way, Cas had been trying to tell Dean what was really going on without actually telling him.

Sighing, Dean reached out again, his hand gently holding the back of his brother’s neck. He really wanted to find out just what Sam wanted, but the kid looked like he was about to fall over. “There’s a lot more we need to get out, but when’s the last time you ate?”

Broad shoulders shrugged.

“Get some food in you, and you look like you’re about to go back to sleep.” Before Sam could even start to say he wasn’t hungry, Dean continued. “Just some soup. Get something in you.”

Knowing that protesting was futile, Sam took the cup of soup from his brother’s hand. At first he tried to get some of it down to placate him, but after a few bites, the younger man realized he really was hungry. As much as he hated his older brother having to wait on him hand and foot again, he was grateful when the second steaming cup of soup appeared in front of him as he finished off the first.

Feeling like, for the first time in a long time, he’d done something right for Sam, the older Winchester watched him finish the soup. “Come on, see if you can get some more sleep.”

Too tired to argue, Sam nodded. As much as he hated the fact that Dean was, once again, forced to worry about him, he couldn’t help reaching out and touching his brother’s shoulder when he walked by.

It was the first time Sam had actually initiated touching him in far too long. Dean ached to wrap his arms around his brother and hold him, but settled for gripping the large hand that pressed on his shoulder. Immediately, Sam stopped. The tight grip his brother had on his hand shocked him, and he froze, feeling the emotion running through both of them. Instinctively, he turned his hand so they were actually hanging on to each other. He wasn’t sure he’d be able to stand on his feet much longer, but he didn’t want to give up the connection between them. As if reading his mind, Dean stood and followed him to the bed.

Hesitantly, not sure if his brother would welcome it, Dean sat down next to him on the bed. The grip on his hand tightened, and he knew he was doing the right thing. It filled him with a sense of hope that he could, once again, read what his little brother wanted, and he managed to stretch out beside him without breaking contact.

“Get some more sleep, Sammy.”

“You probably need it, too.”

Smiling to himself, Dean yawned. “I could use a couple hours.” He released the younger man long enough to wrap his arm around him and pull the broad back flush against his chest.  The feeling of Sam relaxing against him literally drained the tension from his body. He tried to hold out until his brother was asleep, but he probably didn’t.

 

Cas watched them sleeping soundly. The fact that neither of them stirred when he arrived was a testament to how exhausted they both were. For a while he simply stood and watched over them, wondering if the fact that they were literally cuddled together meant that they had managed to find some common ground between them.

He’d known that Gabriel had planned something for Dean, and while he thought that was most likely a bad idea, he realized that whatever it had been might have driven the older Winchester to his current position. If it was, he was grateful to his brother.

Suddenly Dean jumped and dislodged Sam’s head from his chest. He was staring wide-eyed at the angel when his still half asleep brother reached for him. “Dean?”

“Cas.” Dean was searching his mind for something to say as the angel stared at them.

A shaggy head lifted a bit. “Hey, Cas.”

“I came to see if your condition had improved.”

“Yeah. Just still really tired.” He tried to move closer to his brother, but Dean jumped out of bed.

Grateful that they had still been dressed when they fell asleep, he shrugged. “We were just…..”

“Sleeping. I could see that.”

“Yeah. Sleeping. That’s all.” Dean was awake, but his mind was still catching up with what the angel had seen.

“Being fully clothed would have been counterproductive to any sort of sexual contact.”  

The normally stoic shoot-first-ask-questions-later Dean Winchester was shocked. His expression seemed to be stuck in a mixture of embarrassment, curiosity, and something else. Maybe a desire to simply disappear and be invisible to the Angel of the Lord standing in front of him discussing sexual contact, or more to the point, sexual contact between him and his brother, as if it were no more interesting to him then if they’d been sharing a pizza and a six pack.

Reaching full awareness, Sam studied the look on his brother’s face for a moment before he began to laugh. It wasn’t a laugh of sarcastic humor, or even the desperate laugh of gallows humor in the face of impending disaster. For the first time in a long time, maybe years, Sam actually laughed because he truly found the situation hilarious. Dean’s situation in particular.

He dropped down on his back, shaking from the deep laughter that actually made his eyes tear.

“Glad you’re amused, Bitch.” But there was no heat behind Dean’s words. He was almost as happy just seeing his brother honestly laugh that hard.

“Give it up, Jerk.”  His eyes met Cas’s. “Did I look that stupid when I found out you knew about us?”

Blue eyes met Sam’s evenly. “I believe your mouth was stuck in the open position farther.” He glanced back at Dean. “But that could be simply that your mouth is bigger.”

Now the older Winchester laughed. “Big mouth Bitch.”

Sam sat up and glared at the angel, wondering if he was serious or if Dean’s sense of humor was finally rubbing off on him.  It was hard to tell with the perpetually serious look on Cas’s face.

Sitting on a chair, Dean sighed. “Do I want to know how long you’ve known?”

“Since I took charge of your soul when I raised you from hell. It is unavoidable to be aware of everything within that soul.” Cas appeared to almost shrug as he continued. “Just as Lucifer and Gabriel were aware of everything when you agreed to be their vessels, Sam.”

“All access pass.” Dean muttered, Gabriel’s words coming back to him.

Now Sam moved to the edge of the bed and stared intently at Cas. “Gabriel did something. To me, I mean.”

An emotion that could almost be described as anger flashed through blue eyes. “He stated that he would not hurt you.”

Surprised by the sudden flash of emotion, Sam shook his head quickly. “No, he didn’t hurt me. I just….. he did something…. I…..” He struggled to find a way to describe what he was feeling, but all he could do is shrug. “It’s just better. The memories, the…..”

Cas nodded. “As an archangel retaining you as his vessel, he would have the means to alter your perception without damaging you. I am glad he was able to help you when I was not.”

There was no mistaking the remorse in the angel’s voice. “Cas, we already talked about this. I’m okay. Really, this time. Whatever he did, I feel better.”

The way the angel and his brother looked at each other, Dean knew there had been a lot of conversations where he had not been included. Before he could decide whether to feel guilty or angry about it, Sam’s voice interrupted his thoughts.

“Dean?”

“Yeah?”

“What’s wrong?”

His little brother’s tone told Dean that question was definitely double-edged, but he shook his head. “Nothing. If you’re better, that’s all that matters.”

Relived, but not convinced everything was as fine as Dean was saying, Sam nodded. The thought that Dean might want to go meet up with Benny as soon as he was okay went through his mind. Part of him felt like he should tell Dean that he was okay and he was free to go. Another part of him wanted to ask him to stay forever. So he remained silent, hoping to get some idea of what his brother was thinking.

Cas was unaware of the turmoil going on in Sam’s head, and he glanced back and forth between the Winchesters. “I assume you’ll be moving to another location shortly?”

“Feel up to it?” Dean turned to his brother.

“Yeah, sure. Where to?” _Please don’t tell me you want to go find Benny. I’ll go anywhere you want, but don’t ask me to go watch you with him again._

Sam was so lost in his own thoughts he didn’t hear what the older man said.

“Sammy?”

“Yeah?”

“Where do you want to go?”

A thought occurred to him, but he wasn’t sure it was going to go over well with Dean. “I’ve got an idea.”

“Okay, cryptic much?”                  

“Just…. can you go with me on this?”

Dean would have followed his brother anywhere at that moment, but he shrugged. “Where do you want to go?”

Afraid to meet Dean’s eyes, Sam stared at the floor and mumbled something that only his older brother would understand.

“You want to go back to Sioux Falls?”

“Yes.” Still not looking at Dean, the younger man tried to cover up how afraid he was that his brother would tell him to go alone. “I mean, we don’t have to, but I’d really like to go with you this time.”

As his words ran on and sped up while he continued to stare at the floor, Dean was reminded of the fact that Sam had his jacket. Sam had already gone back, alone.

“Yeah, Sammy. We can do that.” Beat the hell out of Texas as far as Dean was concerned.

With a quick goodbye to Cas, they were packed up and on the road. It was about a six-hour drive and neither of them knew what to say. Partly because he was still exhausted from his ordeal, and partly to avoid the tension in the car, Sam fell asleep.

It wasn’t lost on Dean that, for the first time that he could remember, his little brother was actually sleeping peacefully. He’d always slept fairly well in the Impala, but he wasn’t tossing, muttering, or otherwise struggling in his sleep.

For several hours, Dean simply drove. His legs were desperately in need of stretching, and his back was beginning to scream at him for sitting in one position too long, but Dean was determined to not stop until the Impala was on fumes or his little brother woke.

When Sam finally opened his eyes, he turned to Dean, contemplating what to say. He was glad they were going back to Sioux Falls, but he really wanted to know what his brother was thinking about him. Them, if he was honest with himself. Where did he fit in and where did Benny fit in. The sight of Dean stealing a glance at him brought him out of his thoughts.

“I’m okay, Dean. Really. Not even a nightmare.”

“Good to hear it.” The older Winchester sighed. “Need to get some gas. Figured we’d grab something to eat?”

“Sounds good.”

“Sounds good in a ‘whatever’ way or sounds good in a you’re hungry way?”

The light tone inspired the smile Dean was hoping for. “Starving.”

“That’s what I want to hear.” He turned off at next exit and headed for the nearest gas station that was attached to a diner.

“Can we get it to go?”

When he saw his brother eyeing the numerous cars in the parking lot, he nodded. “Of course.”

They quickly filled the tank, and grabbed two large Styrofoam containers. Instead of pulling back on the highway, Dean turned and headed down a back road. At his brother’s questioning glance, he shrugged. “Figured we’d find a good place to sit and eat.”

Realized that his brother really wanted to sit down and eat with him, Sam smiled. It didn’t take long to find a small park with picnic tables. Together, they moved to an empty section and sat across from each other.

Dean was happy to see his brother dig into his food like he really was starving. The image of Sam so thin his skin was hanging on him was an image he’d be very happy to forget and never see again. For a few minutes they both ate in silence, but it wasn’t the tense silence they’d been facing for the last few months. Instead they were both relaxed, the silence comfortable. Eating the last bite of pie, the older hunter made up his mind. When he cleared his throat, Sam looked up and waited.

“You look like you’re still feeling okay.”

“I am.” A thought crossed his mind. “If you don’t want to go to Sioux Falls, you don’t have to. I’m okay.”

“What, you….” Dean was confused, but he needed to know what his little brother was thinking. “Where do you think I want to go?”

Hazel eyes dropped to the table, and the words were mumbled softly. “Thought you might want to go find Benny.”

“Benny?” It all clicked in Dean’s mind. “You…. I…..” He sighed. “I’m sorry.”

“For what?”

“For what you walked in on.”

“It’s okay. I mean, we……” His voice faltered and he sighed.

“We what?” Since he’d been wrong about everything else concerning Sam, Dean wanted desperately to believe he was wrong about this, too. “I need to know, Sam.”

“You need to know what?” Green eyes looked away and Sam shifted so he could lean over the table. “What do you need to know?”

“Jesus, we sound like one of those fucking couples on a soap opera.” Standing, Dean came around the table to sit next to his brother.  He sat with his back to the table Sam was leaning on so he could turn away if he had to. “Do you want to go back to Kermit?”

“NO! You’ve told me that’s what I wanted about fifteen times, but no.” Sam shook his head and sighed again. “If you want to go, just go. I’ll be okay.” But his eyes dropped, telling his brother he’d be anything but okay.

“What do you want?” Dean asked quietly. As much as his heart was pounding in his chest, it was time to find out exactly where they stood.

Sam realized it was now or never. He’d been skirting the cliff, afraid of the fall, but the time to try to play the denial card to protect himself was over. The easy way of hiding behind his fucked up mind and playing on sympathy to keep his brother with him wasn’t fair to either of them. It felt like his arm weighed fifty pounds as he lifted it slowly. Praying to a God he didn’t really believe in anymore, he reached out and gripped his brother’s tee shirt.

“I want this.” His voice was so low Dean almost couldn’t hear it, but as he went on, it got louder. “I want you to realize that Amelia kept me going but she wasn’t you. She was NEVER you. I want you to know that I did everything I could to try to get you back, and then I was convinced that you were in heaven and even I wasn’t enough of a dick to try to break you out of that.” The forced habit of clamping down on his emotions almost stopped him. But he realized that he wasn’t going to completely lose control and this was the only shot he was going to get to get his brother back. A lone tear tracked down Sam’s cheek and his eyes finally met Dean’s. “I want to be your brother, a better brother to you then Benny.”

Hurt, jealousy, anger, it was all there in those hazel eyes. And Dean had been the one to put all of that in there. His throat tightened and even as he opened his mouth to reply, no words would come out. The older hunter wasn’t really much for words. Actions spoke louder. Besides, he’d always had a great skill for fucking things up when he tried to find words. So he reached out and gripped a handful of long hair and pulled gently.

There was no hesitation on Sam’s part and he leaned closer to his brother.  When their lips met, it was soft, full of questions and hesitation. Dean moved closer and gently pushed his tongue against Sam’s lips. The fact that those lips parted immediately encouraged him, and he tightened his grip to direct his brother’s head right where he wanted it.

The almost painful pricks of his hair being pulled sent a shiver down Sam’s spine, never mind what the soft, almost hesitant exploration of his mouth was doing to the rest of him. A soft moan escaped, and Dean’s other hand moved to grip his denim covered thigh. Shifting, Sam slid his arm around the front of his brother’s body, fingertips barely touching a patch of skin between denim and cotton on his opposite side.

For a long time the only sounds between them were soft sighs and a couple of low moans. A warm feeling spread between them, the feeling of a new beginning for both of them. And they were both determined to take advantage of another chance to get it right.  

Finally, Dean forced himself to pull back and look at Sam. “Come, on, Sammy. Let’s get out of here. I think this is a family park and unless you want all the families to know you put out on the first date we need to go.”

“You call this a date? And who says I’m gonna put out?” Sam tried to keep a straight face, but he couldn’t. He was too happy and it had been way too long since he’d been that happy.

For the first time since just after Sam found him at the cabin, Dean really smiled at his brother. Moving quickly, they put their garbage in the trash and walked back to the Impala. It all felt right to Sam. They were close enough that their shoulders brushed on every other step, which was completely in sync without trying. The loud crash of both of them even slamming their doors at the same time made them laugh.

“Two more hours, give or take. You want to head there now?” Dean turned the key in the ignition.

“Yeah. Got a few hours of daylight left.” It just felt right to Sam to be taking Dean back to Bobby’s. He was glad that the older man just went along with it.

 

A little less then two hours later, the Impala parked in what had become ‘her’ parking place years ago.  Dean’s enthusiasm had definitely waned the closer they got to what was left of the house. He was quiet when they got out and he took a few halting steps towards what was left of the house.

“Caved in.” He almost whispered.

Allowing his brother some space, Sam shook his head. “Had to have some cleared. Couldn’t get into the basement.”

Once again, Dean was reminded that his brother was alone when he came back here the first time. Taking a few more steps, the older Winchester approached what used to be the front porch. He vaguely heard Sam’s voice speaking to someone over the phone.

“Hi, it’s Sam.” He paused. “Better. A lot better.” Sitting on the Impala’s fender, he pushed his hair back. “I’m at the yard. Can you meet me here? ‘Bout a half hour? You mind bringing everything?” Now he smiled. “Great. See you then.”

Making his way back to Sam, Dean waited for him to explain.

“Jody’s gonna meet us here.”

“Jody? Sherriff Mills?”

Sam nodded. “She was around when I was here before. I tore through all of Bobby’s storage units, then came back here hoping to find something…..” His voice trailed off and he sighed. “Anyway. There’s still a few things you don’t know, and I thought we should be here so I could show you.”

“Okay.” Moving to stand between Sam’s knees, Dean gripped his thighs and stared intently at his brother.

“We’re not gonna be alone for long.” With a shy smile, Sam reached up and pulled Dean closer. When the older man didn’t return the offered kiss with much enthusiasm, Sam leaned back. “Bobby’s gone, Dean.”

“I know.” The response was sharper then he intended, so he smiled. “Just thinking what good old Sherriff Mills would say if she pulled up into the driveway while I had you flat against the hood.”

Now Sam jumped. Nudging Dean back, he stood and took a few steps away. “About that…..” Running his hands through his hair, he shrugged. “I guess I should tell you that Jody knows everything.”

“Everything? Just what do you mean by ‘everything’?”

“I kind of mean Everything. I told her everything.”

Apprehension literally rolled across Dean. “Even about……” He moved his hand back and forth, indicating them. As a couple.

“Yeah.”

“And she’s still headed here? To talk?”

“Yeah, Dean. I had gotten my ass kicked, had my stomach pumped for alcohol poisoning, was tied to a bed, and had enough Thorazine in me to put down a horse. But, yeah. I told her everything. And not just about us. I told her about Jess, Dad, you going to hell, Bobby taking care of us, and…….” His eyes met his brothers, begging him to understand, “the cage.”

The cage was the one thing Sam refused to talk about. Before the wall fell, it had been to avoid cracking the wall. After, it was just too easy for Sam to slip into those memories, and they became too vivid if he spoke of them. He would scream out in his sleep enough for Dean to know exactly what some of the things he’d endured were. And on a few rare occasions when he’d been too drunk to censor himself. But the cage wasn’t, and had never been, a topic for discussion between them. Sam would do anything to avoid it, including starting a fight or dropping to his knees for Dean.

“Sammy, it all had to come out at some point. I’m just glad Jody was here and she believed you.”

“Docs didn’t.” Sam gave him a soft laugh. “They were convinced I’d had a psychotic break with a religious focus. Apparently I’d offended some nurse so bad she refused to come into my room.”

“You offended a nurse? Sounds more like me.”

“Basically, if you tell a devout Roman Catholic nurse that God is a deadbeat father that doesn’t give a shit about anyone and left his twisted fucking freaks of kids to destroy the Earth, they get offended.”

Now they both laughed. “You just told her the truth, Sammy.”

“Yeah. Docs didn’t see it that way, though.” He chuckled. “Seems pretty sick to laugh about it now, but they were even convinced the Enochian was something I made up to go with my delusions.”

Dean shrugged. “Seems pretty sick to laugh about half the shit we laugh about. But most of the time it keeps us sane- well, sane being……”

“A relative term?” They both smiled again.

At the sound of a car pulling in through the gates, Sam smiled. “Wait here a sec.”

Quickly he rounded the skeleton of the house and grinned when the Sherriff got out of her car.

“Sam!” Meeting him halfway, Jody wrapped her arms around the tall hunter and squeezed. After a minute she leaned back and gently tugged on his shirt. “You’re smiling. Looks good on you.”

Sam nodded and shrugged. “Got a lot to smile about.”

“Amelia?”

His smile faltered. “I haven’t called you in a while. No, not Amelia. Her dead husband turned out to not be so dead.”

“Aw, honey, I’m sorry.”

“No!” Shaking his head, Sam walked her back around the house. “Good for her. I’ve actually got better news. Well, for me.”

As they rounded the corner of the house, Jody stopped short with a look of shock on her face. Questioning eyes turned to Sam, who nodded. “It’s really him.”

“Hey, Sherriff.” Dean walked towards her slowly, hoping she’d believe Sam. He needn’t have worried. Before he could get to her, she closed the distance between them and hugged him just as tightly as she’d just hugged his brother.

“Sam thought - I mean, where the hell - no, not that, not hell, but where-“

“Purgatory.” Both Winchester brothers ended her run on sentence.

“Purgatory.” Jody nodded. “Of course.”  Like it made all the sense in the world to her.

“I’d never been. Sounded like a good place to spend the summer.” Dean shrugged.

Jody turned to Sam. “I thought, well, you thought-“

“I was…. misinformed.” He shrugged. “You have that envelope I sent you?”

“In the safety deposit box we opened when you were here.”

Nodding, Sam turned to Dean. “My copy of the deal. Since you weren’t in heaven, I might have a loophole to get out of the deal with Crowley, if we want to.”

“What the fuck do you mean IF we want to? Why would you NOT want to break a deal you made with a fucking demon, Sammy?!”

“Because there was a lot more to it, Dean. Things that would help both of us.” Before Dean could get any more pissed off, Sam reached for his shoulder. “No soul selling, remember? Crowley wanted me out of his hair just as badly as I wanted him out of mine once I found out he couldn’t help me.”

Not placated in the least, Dean jerked his shoulder away from his brother.

“You sent me a copy of a deal you made with a demon?” She shook her head. “Gotta say, I’m with Dean on this one. That can’t possibly end well.”

“Just wait until I can lay it all out, okay?” Hazel eyes met green and Jody knew the argument was over for the moment. “That wasn’t what I brought you here to show you.”

Turning to the taller man, Jody shrugged. “I didn’t bring it.”

“Why?”

“Because, I figured it’d be the only way I’d get you back to the house and get some food in you.” She turned to Dean. “And I’m twice as happy I get to feed both of you.”

The older hunter started to shake his head, but Jody smiled. “There’s pie. Sam says you love it.”

“Pie?”

When Sam nodded, Dean shrugged. “I’m in.”

“Great. I’ll head home and get it heated up. Say, about forty-five?”

“Sounds good.” Sam smiled again.

“Christ, that looks good on you.” Jody hugged him again before she turned to Dean. “I’ll credit you with that smile on his face. Now let’s put some weight on him. He’s looking one hundred percent better, but he’s still too damn skinny.”

“Yes, ma’am.” Dean agreed wholeheartedly. The vision of an emaciated looking brother would haunt him for a long time.

As the woman walked around the corner back to her car, Sam stepped towards the house. “I spent about a month here.”

“Sounds like Jody took care of you.”

“She tried. I wasn’t exactly cooperative. But she pulled some major strings and got me sprung from the psych ward in her custody, basically.”

“What, she adopted you?”

“I wouldn’t have put it past her if she’d had to.” Sam stared at his brother. “She did everything she could to help me. I just…..” He shrugged and looked away. “I just wanted you.”

When he heard his little brother’s voice crack from emotion, Dean reached for him. “You got me, Sammy. I’m back.” Long arms wrapped around him, and he reached up to the back of the taller man’s neck. “Not going anywhere.”

For a moment, Sam just held his brother, taking comfort in the fact that he was there.

Feeling his little brother tremble in his arms left Dean feeling like he’d still missed too much of what he’d gone through. But then those large hands moved gently across his back and down to the base of his spine.

“Missed you. So much.”

Those softly whispered words were all it took. He pulled his brother even closer and turned his head so their faces were almost touching. Literally inhaling Sam’s breath wasn’t even enough. He wanted to get so close they could crawl into each other and never let go.

When their lips met this time there was nothing gentle or hesitating about it. The kiss developed a life of its own, drawing them in and holding them together. It still wasn’t enough for either of them. When Dean realized Sam had released him and started pulling on his shirts, he broke the kiss. “Let’s call Jody, tell her we’ll see her in the morning.”

“Can’t.” Sam dropped his shirts and reached for Dean’s. “Big dinner, remember?”

“Got something bigger on my mind right now.” They kissed again before Dean continued. “Hotel, king size bed, you, me-“

“Can’t wait.” Nearly panting, the tall hunter dragged his brother towards the Impala. His cock was rock hard and straining against his jeans, but that really wasn’t the most important thing on his mind at the moment. Yes, he physically craved release, but at the moment his heart was still calling the shots. And the only thing his heart wanted was to be with his brother. A moment that only came when one was literally buried in the other, when it felt like their souls were just as connected as their bodies. Even as he reached for his own belt with one hand, he opened the back door of the car with the other.

Dean hesitated, and his brother turned to him. The confused and almost panicked look on Sam’s face made him shake his head. “First time back together, Sammy. You sure you want it here?” As much as the Impala was home to him, the last ‘first time back together’ sex he hoped they ever had might call for a real bed in a decent hotel.

Smiling, long dark hair rippled when he shook his head. “This is perfect. First time ever was here, so it feels right, you know?”

Barely managing to keep the ‘oh, thank God’ to himself, Dean reached for his own belt. By the time he got his boots off, his brother was ‘helping’ him with his jeans - if damn near yanking the zipper out of the material could be called helping. Before he could even voice an objection to his jeans being ripped his mouth was once again filled with his brother’s tongue.

_Fuck it. Don’t care how many pieces the jeans end up in- just get them the fuck off me._

When the air hit his literally seeping cock, he inhaled sharply. But it only lasted a moment. Folding his long body, Sam sat on the edge of the back seat and gripped the older man’s hips so hard there was bound to be bruises. In the span of a few short seconds Dean went from cold air to warm heat when he was pulled into Sam’s mouth and down his throat.

A hand slapped down on the roof of the car. “Jesus Christ, Sammy!”

There was no reply other than a muffled rumble that sent shivers up his spine.

For Sam, it was like the first taste for a starving man. But it was just a start and not nearly enough. For a few minutes, he simply savored the flavor and the feeling that came with the first contact, but then he abruptly pulled off and slid back across the seat to lie on his back.

Dean was about two seconds from losing it when he felt that cold air again. When he leaned down, his breath caught in his throat at the sight Sam presented to him. Crawling into the tight space, Dean reached for his brother’s face. At the last second, Sam turned and caught Dean’s fingers in his mouth. Seemed the younger man’s mouth was watering as much as Dean’s, and it only took a few seconds to get his fingers dripping wet and ready.

Wanting desperately to get on with the program, Dean forced himself to go gently. First one finger, testing the tight ring of muscle that clenched so tightly he realized it was going to take a lot more to do this right. When he heard the sharp inhale, he almost stopped. “Sammy?”

“Been eighteen months, Dean. ‘s fine.”

Once that first finger glided smoothly in and out of his brother, Dean gently added a second. The grip Sammy had on his fingers almost made him lose it completely, but he was determined it wasn’t going to end that quickly. Taking a deep breath more to control himself, Dean opened his fingers slowly, beginning  to convince Sam’s body to take  him. That little bundle of nerves had never failed him, and it didn’t this time. A loud thump signaled Sam’s head literally slamming into the door when his body arched off the seat.

“Come on, Dean!”

“Still whiny.” Dean laughed softly.  He pushed again softly, and the large body under him shuddered. This time Sam pushed back, impaling himself harder, his way of saying he was ready. But Dean hesitated. “You need it?”

“Do I need you to fuck me?” Another head slam into the door. “My brother – fucking moron or goddamn tease?”

“Neither, you little bitch.” He pushed down deliberately and Sam’s body bowed while another curse bounced off the interior of the car. Giving him a second to relax, Dean stared evenly. “The pain. Do you still need it?”

Breath catching in his throat, Sam realized what his brother meant. The pain to prove it was real. To pull him from his memories of the cage. Even after Cas had taken Lucifer from his mind, he’d still had those memories.  He knew that the big brother in Dean hated hurting him, but back then it was a necessity to keep those remnants of Lucifer from intruding on what was theirs. And he’d do anything to avoid it right now if it wasn’t what Sam absolutely needed. “No.” He kept his voice low. “Whatever Gabriel did, it’s gone.”

With a soft smile, Dean reached for Sam’s hand. “Then we do this right.” Licking his lips, he pulled two long fingers into his mouth and sucked.

“Jesus Christ.” Sam’s voice was choked as much from the emotions running through him as the physical sensations. When his hand was pulled down to join Dean’s, he slid those same two fingers inside himself alongside.

It was too much for Dean. On the brink of losing control, he pushed their fingers into the nerves that made Sam literally scream out his name in a choked voice. Every muscle went taut, and all it took was a deliberate stroke up his straining cock and the younger man lost it.

Not that Dean would ever, even under threat of torture, admit it, but the sight of Sam coming completely unglued at his hands was the most incredible thing he’d ever seen. Long legs pushed against the frame of the car as his back literally almost bowed in half above the seat. One hand dug into the flesh on Dean’s shoulder and the other, the one that was still buried in his own body along with Dean’s, clenched and sent strong shudders through him even as the intense orgasm took hold. As much as Dean wanted to stroke him through it, he was forced to grip the base of his own erection tightly to keep from sending his own come shooting across Sam’s stomach. Then, as if someone had literally cut the strings, every muscle relaxed and Sam’s eyes closed.

A strained chuckle escaped Dean’s throat. Kid had fucking blacked out on him. The few seconds it took him to open his eyes gave Dean the chance to stay in control.

“Holy shit.”

The gravely tone of Sam’s voice did amazing things to Dean’s already very interested body. “You back?”

“Go for it.” Still fluttering hazel eyes watched his chest, where Dean’s fingers scraped the cooling cum to slick up his now screaming for attention erection.

Sam’s body hadn’t quite caught up with the fact that he was awake, and Dean slid in easily. Once he bottomed out, he leaned down and kissed his brother hungrily. With a sharp jerk of his hips, Dean nailed that spot again.

Still trying to recover, Sam could only halfway shudder and let out a cry that he couldn’t even form into words. But it didn’t deter the older Winchester. With an absolute cat-ate-the-canary grin, he leaned down to breathe as much as whisper in Sam’s ear. “Got another one in there for me, Sammy?” He laughed. “I mean, you’re pushing thirty now. Not as easy as it was.”

“Fuck you, old man.”  A large hand wormed its way between their bodies to grip his already twitching cock. “Might have to prop me up and spoon feed me after, but I think I can manage it.” Unable to really stroke himself with Dean literally lying on top of him, he groaned in frustration. Giving up on that idea, he reached down with both hands and got a grip on both cheeks of his brother’s ass. He shifted his hips so that not only did Dean get deeper within his body, his abs were providing some really good friction on Sam’s dick. “Come on. You want me there, you’re gonna have to give me something to work with.”

That kind of challenge was not going to go unanswered, and Sam knew it before he even saw the look on Dean’s face.

Pulling almost all the way out, Dean shifted his knees for leverage and drove into his brother’s body so hard the solid thump of his head hitting the door echoed in the car. After he grabbed the latch so the door would open before Sam gave himself a concussion, Dean reached up and gripped the top of both seats to brace himself. With as much power as he could throw behind it, the older Winchester literally laid into his brother’s  ass - deep, hard strokes that moved them both across the slippery seat with every thrust.

The only thing Sam could do was basically hold on for the ride. His already overloaded sensory system was at a point where the only sound he could make was a cross between a grunt and a whine every time his brother’s cock nailed his sweet spot. He wasn’t even aware of his shoulders sliding off the seat out the open door until Dean’s hands gripped them and held him still. A hand moved towards his own dick to finish the job, but his brother slapped his hand away.

“Givin’ ya…. Something…. To work with.” Dean was panting with the exertion but he wasn’t about to let the younger man take what he would call the easy way out.

Sam was so close he was nearly in tears. The constant battering of that spot inside him kept him pretty much seeing stars, and his dick was so desperate for any kind of friction, he was about to punch his brother to get some. If only he could lift his arms. His body was jolting, and if he could actually think, he would realize the entire car was moving up and down to the time of Dean’s thrusts.

Every muscle in Dean’s body felt like it was shaking itself apart, and he knew he couldn’t hold on much longer, but damned if he’d let go now. Heaving his body up onto his knees, he grabbed Sam’s hips and lifted them, pulling the longer body closer to him.

The change in angle was all it took. Arching his back once again, Sam felt like his entire body was involved in the feeling washing over him. Vaguely, he heard his brother yell his name, but he was more concerned with the fact that he couldn’t breathe at the moment. His brain struggled to get back online, and a random thought went through his head that he was staring at the ground above his head. For some reason that didn’t seem right, but he had no idea what to do about it.

Dean was breathing, but that’s about all he was doing. That and lying on top of Sam where he’d fallen after an orgasm that might or might not have made him black out. His body felt like it had been stretched to the breaking point and released, leaving him worn out and halfway asleep. The thought that he needed to move occurred to him, but when he tried, it was like his entire body vetoed the idea. With a sigh, he opened his eyes and looked at his brother.

It took him about ten seconds to realize that they were in a really bad spot. That last thrust before he literally collapsed on his brother had sent them both almost halfway out of the open car door. “Sam?”

Something that might or might not have been “What?” came out of his brother’s mouth.

“Sammy, we have to move.”

“D’n wanna.”

Dean idly wondered if that second orgasm had done brain damage to his little brother. “Come on, Sam, I d’n wanna either, but we’re about to do a header.”

“D’n care.” He started to stretch, but his hands hit the ground and they slid a little farther.

Reaching with nearly numb arms, Dean gripped the door opening and held on. “Need your help here, Sammy.”

Just as Dean was contemplating how long it might take for the blood to return to Sam’s brain, his head raised and hazel eyes finally focused on Dean’s. Then he realized he was staring at the sky beyond his brother’s head. “What the……”

“Yeah. “ Laughing softly, Dean started to push himself up and back off the larger man. “Help me out, here.”

By the time Dean was sitting in the back seat, Sam was pulling himself back into the car. All it took was one look at each other, and they began to laugh. Once they started, they couldn’t stop. It was like they were maybe six and ten again, making each other laugh by just making eye contact. It was relaxed, neither of them really having the energy to do anything other then giggle, which they would both deny as long as they lived and then some.

“Glad you noticed before we hit the ground.” Sam finally basically wheezed out.

“Not like we could have called for help.”

“No way in hell we WOULD have called for help.”

They both began to laugh again.

Finally Sam sighed and leaned his shoulder against his brother. “We need to get up and get dressed. Dinner and pie are waiting for us.”

“Not sure I can.”

“Now who’s the old man?”

“Bitch.” A halfhearted smack crossed the larger shoulders.

“Jerk.” Turning, Sam pushed his brother towards the door. “Come on, clothes are out there somewhere.”

Slowly, they moved towards their clothes. Seeing his tee-shirt, Dean picked it up and cleaned himself off before throwing it at Sam.

“Kind of gross, Dean.”

“You want to discuss where the rest of it is?” Dean knew Sam would ignore that with a bitch face and he wasn’t disappointed. Leaving his little brother to clean up the best he could, Dean proceeded to pull another shirt out of the trunk and get dressed. “Don’t even THINK of leaving your spunk on the back seat, either.”

“Jerk.” But he gave the seat a cursory wipe down to appease his brother. And the back of the front seat. And the door. And when he actually spotted some on the roof he realized that just maybe his brother really had just tried to kill him. But he was grinning the whole time.


	8. The Lines Between Brotherhood and Blood 8 and Epilogue

It was actually a little over an hour before they made it to Jody’s. Just before they pulled into the driveway, Dean reached for Sam and pulled him across the seat for a kiss that involved some groping and a lot of tongue. “Gonna be tomorrow before we can do this again.”

“Christ, keep that up and I’ll beg you to turn the car around.” Sam sighed and wondered if he was actually capable of getting hard again this quickly. Apparently so. Crawling out of the car, he headed towards the door, hoping that it would go away quickly.

When Jody opened the door, she led them straight to the table. Dean headed for the bathroom first, leaving his brother at the table with the Sherriff.

“You look like you won the lotto.”

“Feel like I did.” Sam smiled at her. “Things were pretty rough for a while, I mean even after Dean got back. But I think we’ve finally worked things out.”

Jody’s eyes traveled down to his neck where there was an obvious bite mark. “My guess would be yes.” With that she turned back to the kitchen.

Confused, Sam reached up to see if he could feel what she’d been staring at, but it wasn’t until Dean entered the room and stopped short with a look that told Sam exactly what the woman had seen. For a moment, both men almost ran out the front door, but Jody was back before either could make a move.

“What’s wrong?”

Sam lowered his hand and stared at the table.

Placing two plates on the table, she sighed. “We’re NOT going to let things get awkward now, are we?” She grabbed a chair for herself and pointed to another one. “Dean, sit.” Before either of them could say a word, she opened a beer and took a long drink and stared at Sam. “You and I never really talked about things, other than the fact that I knew what I hoped, for your sake, was everything. For your sake meaning that I hoped there wasn’t anything worse you couldn’t even tell me while you were drugged. I still have nightmares about some of the things you told me.”

“I’m-“

“Don’t EVEN say you’re sorry. I’m sorry. Jesus, what you two have been through-“

“We’re still here.” Dean’s tone made it clear that he didn’t want to talk about any of it.

“I know that. But you weren’t, Dean. I did the best I could to help him-“

“You did.” Sam’s voice was soft. “Christ, you pretty much saved my life. I wouldn’t have lasted long in that psych ward.”

“I’m glad I could. But the point is that, with everything you’ve been through, who am I to say jack shit about anything the two of you do?” She shrugged. “I’m all for anything that makes the two of you this happy.”

They both smiled at that.

“Eat up.” She headed for the kitchen to grab her own plate. “After dinner I’ll grab the paperwork and you two can take your stuff into the spare bedroom. Sam knows where everything is.” Just in case they misunderstood, she called from the kitchen. “Hope a queen is big enough.”

With a glance at each other, both brothers started to laugh.

Jody reappeared with her plate and sat down. “I didn’t mean it like that. I meant the size-“ watching them laugh even harder, she finally gave up. “Now I hope one of you falls off on your ass.”

“He will.”

“He will.”

When they both answered, she laughed. “Shut up and eat.”

“Yes, ma’am.”

“Yes, ma’am.”

“We’re not going to have the entire conversation in stereo, are we?”

“No.”

“No.”

“Now you’re just messing with me.” The Winchesters grinned at her. “I’m finally getting to see it.”

“See what?” Sam spoke alone this time.

“Bobby always said the two of you were the biggest wiseasses he’d ever met. I just couldn’t imagine how nice, sweet, boys like you could be half as bad as Bobby said you were.”

“Spend some time with us, you’ll see it.” Dean promised.

Sam just smiled and shrugged.

The rest of the dinner went quickly and quietly. Once they were finished, Sam stood and grabbed the plates.

“Pie?”

“After.” Sam turned from Dean and nodded at Jody. While Sam took the plates to the kitchen, Jody brought out a stack of manila folders and laid them on the table.

Picking up the first one, he handed it to his brother. “Bobby’s will.”

“Bobby left a will?” Dean held the folder in his hand.

“Yeah. He left everything to us.”

“The house and yard.” Dean murmured.

“For starters.” Another folder was handed to Dean. “There is actually a life insurance policy. Not a whole lot, but enough to build a house big enough for the two of us. And Bobby has deeds. Cabins, property - most of them aren’t filed, but they’re here. Rufus’s cabin, Caleb’s old cabin in Colorado. About twenty of them, all belonging to hunters at one point, I think. All we have to do is sign them and file them if we ever want to claim them. And, check this out.” Sam dumped this folder on the table. “I’m guessing Bobby had Frank make these. Two completely airtight, perfectly legal ID’s. Dean and Sam Singer. All ready for us to sign all the paperwork and use them.”

“He thought of everything.”

“He definitely tried to take care of us.” Sam sighed.

“Sammy, Bobby did all of this for us. You thought I was gone.” Sam’s eyes dropped and Dean reached out to grip his arm. “Why didn’t you do something with all this?”

“It was left to both of us, Dean.” Hazel eyes met his. “I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t live here alone, and I sure as hell couldn’t have had you declared dead, even if it was only on paper. Could you have?”

The thought of it made Dean’s hand squeeze hard on his brother.

“This is where we have to figure out what to do. Part of my deal with Crowley gives us an option.”

“A deal with a demon is NEVER an option, Sammy.”

“Just hear me out, please? Crowley cleared our names, Dean.”

“What?”

“He cleared our names. As far as any federal, local, county, state, fucking Mayberry department is concerned, Dean and Sam Winchester have never had so much as a speeding ticket.”

“Holy shit.”

“Yeah. Well, not holy, but you get the point. He even gave me a fucking 850 credit score.”

“Why would Crowley do that?” Dean still wasn’t convinced.

“I asked. Wasn’t shit to him. Just snapped his fingers.”

“Okay, time to spill. I want every detail of this deal.”

Shrugging again, Sam looked from Dean to Jody and back. “I can’t hunt demons. Hell is off limits to Winchesters forever. Even if we come across another douchebag angel that threatens to send us back to the pit, it can’t happen. We don’t get involved with any demons. We don’t mess with Crowley. If a demon comes after us, it’s fair game. Crowley would like it if we handed them over.” Sam turned to Jody. “He likes to make examples of any demons that don’t follow orders.” Then back to his brother. “But whatever we do with them is allowed in the deal. There’s nothing in the deal that says I can’t pass on information to another hunter. I can give Garth a head’s up with anything he needs to get rid of it, as long as I’m not physically involved in the hunt.”

Taking a long drink of his beer, Sam leaned forward and tapped his long fingers on the table. “We can still hunt. Black dogs, vamps, wendigos, rawheads, ghosts, anything else. Crowley doesn’t give a shit about any of those. No demons.”

“Back to basics.” The idea was actually starting to appeal to Dean.

“Yeah.” He sighed again, dreading the next part. “The one thing I asked him to do that he couldn’t do…… and I know he wanted to, was….” His voice trailed off, not really knowing how to say it.

Instinctively, Dean reached out and took his hand. “What is it?” A feeling of foreboding came over him, and suddenly he wasn’t sure he wanted to know.

“He can’t…. he couldn’t get rid of it.”

“Of what?”

Hazel eyes dropped and the younger man’s answer was so low the hunter and sheriff both had to strain to hear it. “The blood. He couldn’t take out the demon blood.”

“And you’re sure he was telling the truth?” Jody’s voice was soft.

“Yeah.” Sam nodded. “As long as I have it, I’m not exaggerating when I say I can pose a threat to him.”

The implications sunk into Jody and her eyes got wide. “You can……” The thought that this sweet, broken man in front of her could actually have some kind of power over the literal king of Hell was a bit much for her to swallow.

“I know I told you about it. Yeah, I’d have to….” Broad shoulders shrugged and white teeth gnawed a bit on his lower lip for a moment. “…go back on the blood, but I could.”

Dean’s mind went back to the dream Gabriel had shown him. Gripping the back of his brother’s neck, he allowed a bit of pride to creep into his voice. “Sam took out Lucifer. Crowley knows if Sam put his mojo to it, he could take him out, too.”

Surprised, Sam turned to him and nodded. “So, yeah, Crowley would like nothing better than to remove the threat. But once I said yes to Lucifer, I guess I sealed that deal. He’s the only one that could do it now. And since he’s locked in the cage, and I’m the only key…….”

“Mexican standoff.” Dean squeezed gently. “Hey, it’s okay. You’ve had it since you were six months old, and if you didn’t fall off the wagon when I was gone, you sure as hell won’t now.”

It was a lot for Jody to take in, but she shook her head and faced the men at her table. “Sounds like breaking this deal might not be the best thing for the two of you.”

Thankful to her for changing the very uncomfortable subject, Sam nodded. “I wasn’t hiding from anyone in Kermit. I had a job, rented a house-“

“Applied to college.” Dean’s voice was soft.

“No- well, I did make some inquiries.” Hazel eyes raised and he nearly begged his brother to understand with them. “As far as Stanford’s concerned, I’m still a fourth year pre-law student. There’s a copy of my transcript around here somewhere. I was trying to put myself back together and figure out what to do.”

Standing, Dean began to pace the dining room. It was all right there in front of them. A life. A home. Hunting only what they wanted to hunt when they wanted to hunt it. It was overwhelming to the Winchester, and he had no idea what to do with it.

His brother’s motion scared Sam and he leaned his head into his hands. “I’m sorry. Dean, I just…. I just didn’t know.”

Before either brother could say anything, Jody stood. Moving quickly, she went to the kitchen, brought back a bottle of Jack, and put it on the table. “I’m going to head down to the station for a while. Give you guys some space.”

“We shouldn’t run you out of your own house.” Sam began, but Jody shook her head and put her hand on his shoulder.

“It’s fine. Just….. whatever the two of you decide to do, make damn sure you do it together. You’ve fought too long and hard to get here.” When they both nodded, she was satisfied.

After she was gone, Dean sighed and reached for his brother’s shoulders.

Sam tensed and whispered. “I’m sorry.”

“No.” Strong hands squeezed sharply, Dean realizing that Sam had completely misunderstood his actions. “Don’t be sorry. Nothing to be sorry for. It’s just a lot. We’ve got some pretty big decisions to make, here.”

“What are you thinking? Don’t shut me out, Dean. I need to know what you want.”

“I’m not shutting you out, Sammy.” He pulled on one shoulder so his younger brother had to turn to him. “Trying to decide if we should be Singers, Winchesters, or one of each so people don’t freak out when they see the bites on  your neck.”

It took a second for what he was saying to sink in, and Dean saw the moment his little brother caught on. In the thirty years he’d been watching Sam, Dean didn’t think he’d ever seen him smile the way he was at that moment. He decided it was something he liked, and he was going to make sure Sammy smiled like that a lot.

But when the taller man stood and pushed him into the wall to kiss him, Dean realized he liked that a LOT better.

 

Epilogue

Jody juggled the bags at the door. “Knock knock!”

Sam’s voice carried through the house. “Come on in!”

Entering the house, she looked around. The living room was arranged around a big screen TV with shelves of DVD’s that Jody knew without looking had everything from National Geographic documentaries to the Indiana Jones collection she had given Dean as a housewarming present. Facing the TV was a very large overstuffed black sofa that Dean had purchased strictly because his brother’s large frame could stretch out comfortably without hanging over the ends. In front of it was a very old, very worn coffee table that had somehow survived from Bobby’s when it burned down.

Moving into the kitchen, she walked past the large country style table made of solid oak to withstand the abuse they periodically heaped on it. Sitting on the large cushioned bench, again so Sam could sit comfortably, she found both boys. Sam had his shirt off while Dean tended to a nasty looking cut down his brother’s right shoulder blade.

“Brought breakfast.” Throwing the bags on the counter that was a bit too high for her, she turned to take in what they were doing. “Figured you boys would be hungry.”

“You just wanted to check up on us.” Sam’s knowing tone made her smile.

“Guilty. Black dogs aren’t something to play with.”

“Sure they are.” Dean turned with a grin. “Instead of a stick, you throw a Sasquatch. They still chase it with their tongues hanging out.”

“Next time you get to be the stick.” The younger brother’s voice had a petulant tone that only younger brothers can achieve.

Putting her hand on Dean’s shoulder, she leaned down to look. A row of about half a dozen very neat stitches spanned the cut, glistening from the antiseptic cream the older man had just slathered down it.

“He’s fine, Jody.”

She patted his shoulder. “I know. Was just thinking the next time I need stitches, screw the hospital, I’m coming here.”

“We don’t take insurance.”

The hazel eyes were smiling at her. “I’ll bring pie.”

“Sold.”

“Sold.”

“Glad you’re in agreement.”

“Did you bring pie now?” Dean had to ask.

“For breakfast?” The sheriff laughed at the shrug she received as an answer. “No. However, the Pumpkin Festival is in a couple of weeks.”

“Got a scarecrow?”

When Dean slapped his brother’s head, Jody laughed. “No, although I get the feeling I want to hear that story….. But they do have a pie eating contest, which I took the liberty of putting Dean’s name in.”

“What am I gonna win?”

“Pie. One a month for a year.”

“Fran’s?”

Dean’s hopeful tone made her laugh again. “’course. One pie from Fran of whatever fruit is in season for a year.”

“We’re gettin’ pie, Sammy.”

Looking over his shoulder, Sam couldn’t help but return the grin that split his brother’s face. “We’re getting pie, Dean.”

“When I gave Fran your name, she did get excited. Seems she has some recipes she’s excited to try out on you. Some cherry thing with brandy, apple with Captain Morgan, a bunch of them.”

“Herb’s got a good wife in Fran.” When Dean sighed wistfully, Sam glared at him over his shoulder. “Don’t get jealous, baby. So do I.”

“Jerk.”

An elbow jabbed into his stomach, but Sam winced as much as Dean did. “Watch it, bitch. You’ll pull those stitches.” He slapped some tape over the bandage to hold it in place. “Done.”

Laughing, Jody started to clear the table of the bloody gauze and used suture kit.

“Jody, you don’t have to clean my bloody-“ The look he got from the woman made Sam stop talking. “Thank you.”

Now Dean laughed, and slapped his brother’s side gently. “Way to go. Got the ‘mom’ look before breakfast. Go put a shirt on.”

As Sam left the room, Dean winced a bit as he stood to help.

“You organize this, I’ll wipe down.” She handed Dean the first aid kit that she’d put everything in except a bottle of Tylenol, which she held up and started pointedly at the hunter.

“Already took ‘em.” Taking the bottle from her, the hunter arranged everything neatly in the box and closed it. “Jody, you know, Sam loves the whole ‘mom’ thing, and I appreciate the fact that you do it for him, but it really doesn’t fly with me.”

“I brought you five pounds of food, Dean. You’ll deal with it.” The man stared wistfully at the large container on the counter. “Go wash your hands before you sit down.”

Her smile told him she was kidding, and he made a show of grumbling as he put the first aid kit in the cabinet before going to the sink. “I’m just too freakin’ cheap.”

“Yeah, that’s it. Eggs, hash browns, biscuits, gravy, coffee, and a homemade beef and cheese quiche will do it.”

“Damn.” He took a long drink of the coffee. “If that’s all for me, I give you permission to burp me after breakfast.”

“You eat all that you’re gonna need it.”

They shared a laugh as Sam reappeared, this time in a black tee shirt. Sitting around the table, the three shared a comfortable silence while they ate.

Jody finally broke the silence. “If one of you can give me a ride back, I was going to leave the squad.”

Dean nodded. “That Jeff’s?”

“Yeah. You said it was due all its regular shit.”

“Tune up, oil change, filters…..” He  trailed off when he realized they were both staring at him like they couldn’t care less what the car needed. “I’ll take care of it.”

“That’s why it’s here.” She laughed. “I also ran into Mrs. Henderson last night.”

“Literally?”

She glared at Dean. “No, wiseass. But she did literally run into the trash can again.”

Laughing, Dean shook his head. “Tell her bring it out. I’ll buff it again.”

“She’s coming out Tuesday.”

Over the last few months, Dean had expanded on the already present reputation he’d had courtesy of Bobby as a good mechanic with artistic body work skills. Everyone knew the Impala when they drove into town, and they knew the hunter/mechanic had rebuilt her several times on his own. They’d built up enough of a business that, for the first time ever, the Winchesters were legally financially independent. Well, Dean Singer-Winchester and Sam Winchester. Thanks to Bobby’s identities and a hasty marriage license in Massachusetts. The argument had been a fairly long one that was only settled by the fact that Sam Winchester had four years of college courses and an established credit history that he would lose if he assumed the Singer identity. That and the fact that one drunken night Dean challenged Sam that he’d marry the younger man if he could tie him down and make him come just by fucking him. It was a win-win bet for both of them.

Sam changed the subject. “Does Carly like the new program?”

“Of course.” They were referring to the computer program Sam had designed for the Sheriff’s department. “Fran wants you to take a look at her place, see if you can come up with something for her, too.” Sam’s computer skills had become as legendary as his brother’s automotive skills, and he was in high demand in Sioux Falls and a few nearby cities. From designing the program to training and support, Sam took on one project at a time and word of mouth was the only advertising he needed.

“You finish mid terms?” Jody watched Sam dig into the veggie omelet she’d brought for him.

Nodding, Sam finished his coffee. “I’m going to have to pick a major eventually, but next semester I’m taking some theology courses, too.”

“How many degrees do you qualify for now?” Jody handed Dean another biscuit before he could even ask.

Sam smiled. “None, technically. Never finished my last semester for pre-law, which I’m not interested in anymore. A few more classes for computer science, few more for theology, few more for political science, you get the gist.”

At his brother’s insistence, Sam had applied to several colleges. With his GPA from Stanford, he’d been offered acceptance to several major universities, but he’d finally convinced Dean that he didn’t want to leave Sioux Falls, and him. So he kept himself occupied with online courses and an eclectic collection of credits that would eventually give him the requirements for several different degrees.

Hunting still took up a fair amount of their time. They didn’t actually go on physical hunts as much, but they still had several phone lines running into the house, just like Bobby had taught them. Sam had spent considerable time setting up every piece of information they had accumulated so that when a hunter called for information or to send them information, it was the matter of a few clicks to send their file or add to the existing file.

It had been fairly easy to convince everyone in town except Jody that while they were ‘Bobby’s boys’, as everyone knew them, they were not really brothers. Maybe because, just like convincing victims of the supernatural that something perfectly rational had happened, most people don’t want to believe something they just can’t understand. And nobody really understood the Winchesters.


End file.
